Peace time
by almost-certain
Summary: Eren and Mikasa haven't spoken since they killed the last of the Titans, but maybe they can stay civil long enough for their friends to get married... Eremika with a side of springles and a main course of smut that can't decide if it's shameless or not.
1. Chapter 1

At the southernmost point of wall Maria, just a few hundred yards from the still looming walls, a town with no name had sprung up against the banks of the river. A road of sorts led back to the walls, but nothing led out save for a thin footpath worn through trees by the few brave enough to risk leaving the shadow of the wall.

Eren could still smell the salt on his skin and clothes if he concentrated. The wind at the shore had tussled his hair, and he'd waded in as far as he could before the water had lapped at his shoulders. He'd splashed about and laughed and felt as free as any man could, but it had all only lasted a moment. He had gone alone after all.

Outside a small cabin in a town with no name he split another log in two and swore at no one in particular. How long had it been since he'd seen them? Almost a year for Armin, who had thrown himself headfirst in to bettering the lives of every remaining citizen. He'd been dressed like a politician when they'd last spoken, and in too much of a hurry to even hear Eren out. They should have seen the edge of the world together. They should have jumped in hand in hand.

'Traitors.' He muttered, splitting another log.

He tried not to think about her.

* * *

Mikasa tried not to wake him as she moved his arm. Jean hadn't been asleep long and he needed more than her to function normally. He and Armin were up late most nights plotting food intake and growth rates, drawing up patrol rosters and proposals for outings. He deserved his mornings undisturbed.

Not her though. She slid out of bed and looked down at him, the poster child for exhaustion. A faint smile graced her lips, but it vanished as she set about changing her clothes. A scout uniform lay pressed and ready on top of the dresser, and she slung it on with practiced hands, laces and buttons all finding their place with ease. Her boots fit just as well as they ever had, but they were worn now, in need of replacement not just repair.

Her hand came up to her neck, pressing to the exposed windpipe And hollow of her throat. It still felt strange, and she could hear her voice rattling around her own head. 'I don't need this, or you anymore!'

Taking a deep breath, she swept her growing hair up into a sloppy bun. She'd have to cut it soon, but what was the harm in letting Jean run his hands through it for one more night? She liked the sensation as much as he did.

Downstairs, Levi and Connie were already waiting, though one was more prepared than the other. Her old captain nodded with the slightest quirk of his lips at the corner, but Connie Springer could barely muster a nod.

'Ackerman.' Levi turned to Connie, narrowing his eyes. 'Springer's been waiting here a while to see you.'

She widened her eyes and feigned shock as best she could. 'Connie?'

He glared at her. 'I thought you two would be here at the crack of dawn.'

Levi shrugged. 'Titan's are dead kid. We've earnt an extra hour or two each morning.'

'Are you here to train?' Mikasa asked, truth be told, a little hopefully. She and Levi were good sparring partners, but fresh blood couldn't hurt.

'Titan's are dead kid.' He echoed. 'I have some news. Wanted to tell you all, but if you could pass the invitations out...'

'Invitations?' She couldn't help a small girlish grin. In her letters, Sasha had mentioned weird conversations and her doubts but mostly hopes for a wedding, a marriage, a life beyond the terror of the last few years. 'You're... Married?'

'Getting married.' Connie nodded. 'Soon. We were hoping you could be there. All of you.'

Levi snorted. 'I always thought she'd be your best man, Springer. Not your wife.'

'Me too, truth be told sir.'

'When?'

'Less than a month, but Mikasa, Sasha really wants you there.'

'Why?'

He frowned. 'You are the closest thing she has to a friend I guess. Excluding me, of course.'

'Oh... To help?'

He nodded. 'And to get all drunk and pretty with I suppose.'

'Drunk and pretty.' Levi shook his head. 'How many weddings have you kids been to?'

'Not many sir.' The young man grinned. 'But hopefully more now.'

* * *

The girl's fingertips danced down the hard ridges of his chest and stomach as she hummed. She was a seamstress back in the walls, but if he concentrated he could feel the freshly formed callouses of her fingertips. The sun had worked colour in to the young woman's cheeks, but her hair was dark enough and long, almost black. Her voice was too sweet though, and every word was stretched out and gnawed upon, but she said very little he bothered to listen to anyway.

'I should head back.' She whispered, flashing him a look that said she had no intention of leaving. Her mouth waited in to a cocky crooked smile as she began to unlace his pants.

He propped himself up on his elbows to watch, but his mind couldn't focus. The invitation had arrived that morning, carried by a scout legion rookie who's hand had shook as he spoke with Eren. The kid had, naturally, asked questions.

'_I heard... Well they say you are the reason we're still here sir. You and Captain Ackerman.'_

_'They exaggerate.' Eren smiled. 'And please, I'm retired, so Eren is fine.'_

_The young boy had looked demented at that. The cogs in his head were stuck somewhere between calling the war hero by his first name and the fact he had just touched his hand. 'S... Can I ask...'_

_'Go ahead.' He nodded, ignoring the gold leaf lettering for the time being. _

_'Well... They say you can't... That you can't shift anymore... Because... Because of...'_

_He let out a breath and smiled at the boy and all the unasked questions. 'Why would I need to, eh? All of the Titans are dead.'_

_A cheeky smile lit up the boy's face. 'Yes sir. Of course_.'

She was almost finished with the laces when he stopped her, shaking his head and taking her small hands in one of his. 'I have to go, I got a letter this morning. I'm needed.'

The sweetness melted away from her expression. 'And will you be coming back?'

He shrugged. 'Yes but I can't say how long I'll be. A month or two at least.'

She stood, straightening out her simple blue dress. 'Well,' She forced a smile. 'If you do come back, I should think I'll still be here.'

'I'll come back. But if some handsome hunter type asks for your hand, don't refuse him on my account.' He teased.

Once she had left he turned the card over and over in his hands. 'Connie and Sasha', he repeated smiling to himself, then he read the scrawled lettering Connie had etched in to the back. 'No excuses Eren. We want you there, so be there.'

It would be nice to see everyone again. Even... Maybe not everyone.


	2. Nothing to worry about

She tried, she did, but tonight wasn't one of those where she could lie still. Beside her Jean was snoring softly, brow creased as it always was when he dreamt, and hands fisted in the sheets. On his worse nights he would shout and murmur, but mostly he just muttered and curled up, rigid against himself. She didn't know where to begin to approach him like that.

She slipped out of bed, smoothing down the light cotton pyjamas. Their room was small enough, that she could tip toe to the door in five short strides, though a titan stomp wouldn't have woken him really.

He was on his way. The thought swam around and around until there was nothing but that and a small tremble deep in her gut. She walked by instinct down to the training yard in her bare feet, careful of the stones and debris that stuck out of the dirt. The moon was high and in a few days would be full, and by its light she could make out the guards at the gates, and past them the jagged angles of rooftops painted black by shadows.

The training dummy looked sad, there was no other description. It was patched with twine and straps of leather, and the straw had been stuffed back in but one good wack would splinter him in to ten or more pieces. She ran a hand over the rough wood of his arm. 'Seen better days, haven't you.' She sighed. She wasnt sure what she was training for still.

'Mikasa.'

She spun around to spot Hange, more and more gaunt these days, limping across the courtyard. Like Mikasa, she had slung her cloak over her pyjamas, and the pair looked more or less ready for battle. The thin white cotton would do nothing for the bite of the harness, but it couldn't be any more restrictive than the white shirt.

'Out for a stroll?'

The young woman shook her head, glancing back to the dummy. 'Afraid I can't sleep.'

'Ah.' Hange smiled, tapping her chin with a lithe finger. 'The old love returns.'

Mikasa's pale cheeks flushed red as she spun to face the commander. 'It wasn't like that!' Her protest rang in her ears, loud and dumb.

'No? What a shame.'

'Tch.'

'Oh come on Mikasa, youve been wound up all week waiting for him to stomp back in to your life.'

The younger woman gave a sad smile. 'I don't hate him, Zoe.'

'You can love and hate someone, Ackerman,' Hange sighed. 'But you'd have to be mad to think it wasn't love.'

Mikasa groaned, leaning back and pinching the bridge of her nose. 'It wasn't... God Hange, it wasn't like that and you know it.'

After a moment of scrutiny, the commander let her shoulders drop in a shrug. 'Alright, Mikasa. I believe you.'

'Good.'

'But lying to yourself is unhealthy.'

* * *

_Eren's hands on her elbows seem suddenly too tight as his lips hover too close to hers. She ignores the pinch and leans forward, brow furrowed with determination. They pull apart and blink at each other, both wide eyed and pink at the cheeks_.

_They are in a dusty corner of the barracks, and the occasional voice flits past but no one comes in to the surplus room, that contains nothing but empty boxes and a few research papers. Unless they're trying to work out kissing, that is. _

_His lips break in to a grin, and he leans forward again, only this time it's not as brief or rigid. She moans as he pulls away and grabs on to his shirt, but he only laughs breathlessly and shakes his head. 'Kissing is weird.' He whispers. _

_She nods, but weird doesn't make her stomach flip like this does it? 'It was better than I expected.' She admits, reaching to touch her own warm lips. 'Have you done it before?' Her tone is conversational, but inside her heart is ticking unevenly. _

_'No.' His green eyes narrow. 'Have you?'_

_She laughs softly. 'No, Eren. I haven't.'_

_He nods and moves his hands down to her waist, watching her expression carefully as he licks his lips. 'Good. Is this okay?'_

_She blinks once. Twice. 'Yes, that's okay.'_

_'Good.' He frowns at nothing in particular, and then he kisses her agan_.

* * *

When he finally rode through the gates, the sun was almost setting. A young man was rushing forward to take his horse while an equally eager girl was rushing to fetch Commander Zoë. He was as pleasant as needed to them, but his attention fixed on the man at the steps, who's gaze narrowed and darkened with Eren's every move.

'Jean,' he nodded once his boots were firmly on the ground.

They stared at each other for a few moments, before Jean clasped Eren's forearm with a grin. 'You look like shit.'

'You're no better. Spend all night at the whore house? Bags under your eyes are bigger than my saddlebag.'

A huff slipped through Jeans lips but he only shook his head. 'There are some things you need to know Eren.'

He had no doubt. He also had no doubt that what kept Jean awake was the same thing that kept all of them awake, the memories and regrets, the lives lost at a bad decisions, or the people who still couldn't be saved by a good one. 'Later. Where's Armin.' It felt strange not asking for her since he'd thought of little else on the ride, but his tongue kept still.

All the same Jean waited, and when he realised there would be no question he gave his prepared answer anyway. 'She's as broken up as you about it, you know.'

'Oh I'm sure she is.' Eren snapped. 'Armin?'

'He's in with Hange at the moment. Mikasa's there too.' Jean would be lying if he said Eren's flinch at her name wasn't rewarding.

'Where?'

'The Western hall. Hange's quarters suffered some fire damage a few weeks back so she's taken up residence...'

'Fire damage?'

'Dont ask.' They smiled, and for a moment any shadows under their eyes seemed lifted. They could have been two boys again, laughing at anything, arguing about things that didn't matter. It didn't last.

Something hard and fast clomped on to Eren, and it took everything in him to stay upright. His muscles tensed and he swung it off, but just before he could strike Jean had intercepted, grabbing Sasha by the arm and pulling her out of his way. 'Can't you just say hello like everyone else you twit?' He laughed, dropping her hand and smiling apologetically to Eren.

Sasha beamed. Her skin was toasted at the cheeks and nose, and she was all teeth and giant eyes as she seized him again around the neck, squeezing him tightly. 'Oi, Eren! We're so glad you came!'

'Sasha.' He patted her about the shoulders and tried not to push her off. 'Where's the hubby, huh?'

'Oh, him?' She let him drop and stepped back, looking around the courtyard before shrugging nonchalantly. 'I don't know. Making the most of his last few days of freedom I guess.'

'Like you, eh?' Jean nudged her playfully, and before she could retort he held up his palm. 'Kidding.'

'Good. I'd rather Mikasa didn't murder me a few days before my wed...' She stopped, colour draining from her face as her head turned to Eren. 'Ding.'

He blinked, looked to Jean, then blinked again. This time Jean seemed to hold himself taller, jutting out his chin. He held his gaze, unflinching, but the little sigh was not unnoticed. Carefully, Jean spoke. 'I would rather have told you myself, but...'

'Yeah. Yeah I suppose...' Eren shrugged. 'It's fine.'

'Good.'

They turned to Sasha, who was eyeing them both as if they might explode any second.

'So, Potato girl.' Eren smirks. 'Fancy telling me all about it over food?'

'About...' Sasha raised an eyebrow.

'You and Springer.' He felt exhausted, and they'd only been speaking for a few moments.

'Oh. Sure. Hope you brought your appetite Titan boy.'

Jean winced, but Eren seemed to take it in his stride, sparing the other man a sly smile as he was walked off by Sasha in the direction of the kitchen. He found himself gritting his teeth when a young boy with blonde curls and a gap between his two front teeth big enough to fit a thumb told him Captain Ackerman wanted to see him in her quarters.

* * *

_She is bloody from head to foot, but she's standing tall, and her face gives nothing away even as she walks over body after body. Ahead, he stands with his back to her, blood across his back steaming in the evening haze. His fists are at his sides, but his knuckles are white and his whole body is trembling. She doesnt speak, just stops a few yards away, bracing herself._

_Some of the faces scattered around are familiar. Most belong to strangers, civilians or soldiers stuck in the wrong place, but one or two stir her memory, a snatch of conversation at the beginning of the day, or a scouting legion rookie who would look at her with pure adoration or seething jealousy as she trained. The three of them were humanities greatest weapons, and all they had managed to save today was rubble. _

_A few feet from Eren, a woman lay glassy eyes and staring at the pink hued sky, blood trailing down her chin, from her ears nose and mouth. She had been crushed, trapped from the waist down, and it was their fault. Their plan that had killed all these people. _

_'Eren.' She is surprised when her voice doesn't waver. _

_He looks back over his broad shoulder, eyes fixing her with clear hostility. Without turning he speaks. 'Where were you, Mikasa?' The venom in his voice is slightly masked by the Tremor._

_She knows it's not an answer he needs. He is aware of where she was. 'My orders were to protect you, Eren.'_

_He turns then, and fury does not describe it. 'So to do that you let hundreds die? You abandoned Sasha and Krista. You abandoned your post...'_

_'Don't tell me what I already know.' There's a shake in her own voice but false calmness masks it. 'Erwin relieved me of my...'_

_'He's dead, Mikasa. He's fucking dead.'_

_The sounds of the wounded carry on the wind, and even though she is still, her skin prickles with goosebumps. 'I would be too.' She swallows, because it's hard to express regret when she knows it was the right decision. 'If I wasn't with you the plan would have failed.' And all this would have been for nothing, she adds mentally. _

_Thats part of the reason, he thinks, that he's so angry. If he hadn't needed her their friends would still be alive. Sasha and Krista were lost somewhere in the rubble, though Erwin had been found already. The bulk of their squad, mostly rookies, were gone too. If she had been with them and not him..._

_'I'm sorry I didn't leave you to die Eren!' She finally shouts, and it's unlike her, but the day has been long and he should be happy, this is everything he's ever wanted but he doesn't see it for the rubble._

_He turns, green eyes fierce and teeth bared at her. He's bloody, the marks are still red around his face and his nose is leaking. 'You've no heart if you think my life's worth all of theirs.' _

_She sees them moving before he does, three figures leaning on each other, three friends who have sought them out, but he's too busy trying to hurt her that she can't even speak._

_'And what was the point of me saving you if you're already dead inside Mikasa? If you've always been dead inside...'_

_'Eren!' Armin's voice cuts through the air, and he helps lower Krista to the ground. At the other side of the unconscious princess, Sasha Blouse, bloody and dusty but very alive, is panting heavily. _

_Armin straightens himself up, and God he looks tired, but he's still got the energy to look furious. 'Mikasa followed her orders. She's the only reason you stood long enough to finish this, so you...' His eyes narrow, and he looks less like himself than ever before. 'You shut the fuck up and thank her.'_

_She supposes she should be thankful, but she only feels worse as Eren's shoulders sink and he turns his back to her again. It's entirely possible she has damaged his spine, even with his titan blood it's not healing. She feels numb, or like every nerve in her body is on fire. It's difficult to tell_.

* * *

Jean let his cloak drop before stopping her, catching her by the wrists and trying to push her away. 'Mikasa...' He tries but she shakes him off, and her lips, soft and needy, are on his again, fingers pulling at his shirt. 'Stop!' He grunted and she stumbled back, touching her lips as if she's been burnt. 'Just stop alright.'

She stood there for a moment, dark eyes glazed and cheeks flushed, until finally she met his gaze.

'I told you when this started I'm not going to be your distraction. I'm not a replacement.'

She nodded, letting her tense shoulders drop.

'So tell me, should I be worried?'

'Jean?' She frowned, stepping forward to reach for his hand. 'It's not like that.'

'Okay, Mikasa. I trust you but...' He paused, only to smile and press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. 'You've been kind of crazy, so can you see where im coming from?'

'I understand.' She nodded. 'And you have nothing to worry about.'


	3. Brandy

_She remembers the first time they went outside again, the way the light seemed too bright, and the oxygen made them dizzy. Sasha had coughed more out of the dust than she had in it, and Ymir, with half of her body crushed but steaming, was shielding herself from the sun with her only good hand while she flopped down on the cobble stones. She had put a hand to Sasha's shoulder, before falling beside Ymir and cradling the freckled girls head. 'You'll be fine. You'll be okay.'_

_'What do you know, Historia?' She had laughed, before opening her dark eyes and sitting up as fast as her half crushed body would allow. 'Fuck, you're hurt...'_

_And she was. Looking down she could see it, a piece of metal, a support or maybe a really really fucked up candle stick, something long but thin enough to slip between her ribs, it was sticking out just below her left breast, and now she could see it, it was hurting. _

_'Sasha! Catch her!' Ymir's voice had growled, and something warm was pressed to her side as she drifted. She drifted_.

* * *

'So, you're getting married.' Ymir grinned over a mug of something dark and strong. 'But that's not why I'm here tonight, potato girl.'

'Oh?' Sasha frowned, already pink at the cheeks from her first pint. 'Then stop drinking my ale.'

'No.' Ymir smirked, and Krista couldn't help it, she was giggling like a school girl. 'We came out to be seen in public with you, you scouting legion officers, because we need to know.'

'Need to know what?' Mikasa took a small sip, sitting as rigidly as she ever had.

'Ymir.' She warned, but a giggle slipped through again, lessening the effect.

'Oh what? It's not like she minds. Do you mind?' She turned to Mikasa, smiling again.

'It really depends.' Came Mikasa's low reply.

'Is Jean...' Ignoring the tiny blonde's boot to her ankle, Ymir began again. 'Is Jean better than Eren? Because...'

'Sasha?' Mikasa sighed.

'I haven't said a word.' Sasha shrugged. 'But is he?'

'Oh my god!' Krista thumped a palm on the table. 'I thought you were like... Like siblings!'

Ymir scoffed. 'I told you they'd done it.'

'Only the once.' Mikasa shrugged. 'And really it wasn't... We weren't that good... Not in the way Jean and I are good now. With practice...'

'Is Jean that good?' Sasha frowned. 'I always imagined him being too clingy.'

'Too selfish.' Ymir agreed. 'I always pegged him as the type to finish first and leave you there.'

A little smile hit her lips and before she could stop it, she was beaming. 'He...' She took a breath and looked to Sasha, who already knew what she was about to say and was shrugging all the same. 'He was pretty good, my first time.'

Ymir's chuckle died on her tongue. 'Kirstein?'

Sasha sighed. 'Why give me all these secrets to keep, if you're just going to shout them at eachother anyways?'

'Well you had just been taken away, I'd spent a good day in an underground grotto not eating Eren, and we were about to kill my father. He was a bit broken up about all the people he'd just shot through and...'

'I eat my feelings, you make love to them. Why explain.' Sasha flashed an apologetic smile to Mikasa.

The asian girl shrugged, smiling slightly. 'I don't mind. I knew I wasn't his first.'

'But,' Ymir bellowed, raising her mug to the light as if she could see through the hard metal. 'Will you be his last?'

'Fuck that, how did it happen?' Krista chirped. 'You and Yeager...?'

'Not long before the end.' Is her vague reply, and the slight sadness in her voice kills any further prodding.

Until that is, Ymir's croak of, 'Can you go in to a bit more detail. Because some of us are having a hard time imagining you with someone so emotional between your thighs.'

'Ymir!' Krista almost choked on her wine.

To her surprise, Mikasa only laughs and taps the table top with her knuckles. 'We were arguing about something stupid and he kissed me.' She takes a sip. 'And I realised it might be the last time he'd kiss me, so I started pulling off his clothes, my clothes. We were shirtless and I heard him ask if I wanted to slow down but...'

'You sly dog, Ackerman.' Ymir grinned.

'And he finally stopped asking and it was just... It wasn't anything special, I'm sure you all know but... I still think about it. It was... The way his breath... Well you know... And it hurt, but it didn't it...' She looked down at her hands. 'We didn't know what to do but it was... He was...'

'Wow.' Sasha frowned. 'So now he's back, and Jean is...'

'I haven't spoken to Eren since we killed the source.'

'We're not worried about you speaking with him.'

* * *

The grass tickled his nape as he traced the blurring constellations. A few yards away Levi was asking Connie some fairly over reaching questions about his upcoming nuptials. Jean and Armin were chatting at the base of the oak, playing a card game that required little concentration and less skill.

The brandy was burning a hole in his gut, and doing worse to the back of his brain. The sky seemed to spin the more he stared.

'I would have proposed.' He heard Levi say, and his attention attached itself to the older man as quickly as he could turn his head. 'I regret not... Well, showing her.'

'Petra?' Connie nodded along. 'She was a good soldier.'

'A damn fine woman. And they were a damn fine squad.'

Eren regretted listening, but the more Levi spoke, the louder it seemed to be. Hell the whole thing seemed targeted at him. Petra was dead and it wasn't anybody else's fault but his.

'But why get married now?' Levi frowned.

'What?' Connie spluttered.

'You heard me. There's every chance you shits could live to be eighty, so why throw away your chances Springer.'

'Ha.' Eren rolled on to his side. 'Yeah, why not live a little?'

Armin shook his head as he plucked two new cards from the pack. 'We should all go sow our wild oats, you mean?'

'God no.' Levi scratched his chin. 'No breeding, but...'

'Why not,' Jean sighed. 'We've all got a lot of dead friends that need children named after them.'

'Good luck getting Mikasa to give you even one.' Levi sighed.

Eren let his head thud back against the grass. He wanted to say 'she'd be a very good mother actually', but all that came out was a low grumble. He had still not seen her, and he'd been there for three days. It wasn't just luck keeping them apart either, he'd avoided her as dutifully as she had him, and so his time with Armin had been unfortunately short. Now though, the ale and talk had his head filled with thoughts of knocking at her room, confronting her. Not saying sorry, not exactly, but trying to say something. He hadn't seen her in so long.

'You alright Yaeger?' Levi asked as he bent over to get a look at Eren's face. 'You sound like a zombie.'

'Fine. Fine. Just need a... Need a walk.' He brushed Levi off and sat, cupping his head in his hands.

'I'll come.' Armin stood, but Eren only shook his head. 'I need... I want to think.'

'That's a first.' Connie smiled, but the jibe was playful and laced with concern.

'Well I have to think things over these days, can't just turn into a titan if everything goes to shit.'

Armin watched his oldest friend leave as the others got back to their drinks, and he didn't mention the way Jean's grip on his cards tightened to anybody.

* * *

She paced, the words she intended to calmly state arranging themselves in her mind. Except the more she thought the less calm they sounded, the more desperate or angry or just insane the rambling became. 'Eren,' she practiced, but every time his name sounded wrong on her lips until she finally gave up, sitting down on the end of her bed and sighing.

A knock broke her reverie, and she slowly made her way to the door. It was unlike her to feel this unsteady, but sleeplessness and drink had made her knees shake, and her fingers fumbled slightly with the door handle. 'One second.' She tugged at it and it clicked against the door frame. 'Just hold o...'

Whoever was on the other side turned the handle all the way, pushing the door enough that she could poke her head through the gap.

'Oh.' She squeaked.

He said nothing as he waited.

'I was...' she straightened, opening the door a little wider. 'What do you want, Eren?'

He smiled at the briskness, his jaw taught as he shrugged his shoulders. 'Figured we couldn't avoid eachother for much longer so...'

'It's late.'

'I thought we could cut to the chase. Save Connie and Sasha a scene at their wedding.'

'A scene?' She opened the door and stepped back, waiting for him to enter. 'Haven't we both grown past that?'

He walked in, eyeing the desk and then the bed before choosing to lean on the former. 'Small for a captain?'

'I don't usually...' She stopped herself. 'It's fine.'

'Jean's is bigger. Right.' He sighed.

She sucked in a breath and straightened herself. When his eyes rolled down her body and back up she felt sick. 'It's none of your business Erin.' She wished she didn't sound so tired when she said it.

'No. It isn't.' He ran a hand over his eyes, and she realised for the first time that he was about as some as she was. Worse even, if his swaying was anything to go by. 'I don't know why I came here...' He met her gaze with an apologetic smile. 'I just wanted to see you.'

Her heart thudded against her rib cage, and her jaw popped open of its own volition. She stared for a moment, but she couldn't speak.

'You really don't wear it anymore?'

She shook her head.

He nodded, then turned his head away, letting out a huff as his hand stroked the wood of the empty desk. 'You're looking good, Mikasa.' He pushes away from the desk and sweeps past her, out into the hallway and into the darkness before she can even make sense of his words.

* * *

_His chest is too heavy on hers, but she can't find the words to say it. Between her legs something pinches, and it is sharp and loud and if she could she would scream but she's too busy trying to breath under his weight. He is all muscle, and she's exactly the same, and there's nothing soft between them and it isn't comfortable and his hip is digging in to her thigh..._

_'Wait.' He announces, and pushes himself up to look down at her, and his eyes catch on her lips and the way she is biting them. He takes her hand from her own hair and his thumb runs across her knuckles. His other soothes the skin of her hip as he watches her, his body completely still. 'I forgot it hurts for you...' He whispers, regret evident in the quake of his voice._

_The signs of pain begin to fade, and finally she releases her lower lip from the vice of her teeth and her mouth springs in to a soft smile. He brings his face down so they are nose to nose and then he pulls out almost completely and pushes back in with a slow but strong thrust. She huffs a sharp breath against his lips and her fingers tighten against his shoulders, but her foot digs in to his ass so he doesn't stop. _

_Its unfair, he thinks, that she's so tight. He'd like to last the night, the way he'd heard some people brag of doing. He'd like to have her loose and uncoiled beneath him, every finely tuned muscle soft to his touch, but even as she pulls him into her, she's holding on so tightly her tendons might snap. She lets his name spill from her lips and he can't help it, he spills inside her with a shout of her's. _

_The air around them is cool, and still panting he pushes his lips to her sharp collar bone as if it might capture some of the warmth, then pulls out with a sigh against her skin. _

_'Did you...?' She asks, wincing as she moves to sit up._

_He moves to sit beside her, and they both stare at the blank wall of his room as if it's a piece of art. 'Yeah.' He swallows. _

_'Oh.' She shifts, and fights the urge to rest a hand on her aching abdomen. 'Was it... Was I good?'_

_'God Mikasa.' He grins, and it's toothy and a bit crooked with his eyes so wide but he can't help it. 'Yes! You were perfect.' His face changes with a furrowed brow, and he looks down as his hands. 'Did it hurt too much?'_

_'Not too much.' She puts her hand to his cheek. 'It's alright Eren. It had to hurt a little.' _

_'I didn't want to hurt you at all.' He sighs, and then they are falling backwards to lie facing eachother, his hand resting on her hip as she hides her breasts with her own. 'Next time, I'll make it better.' He brings his lips to hers and the kiss is lazy, but she arches towards him all the same. His hands take hers away and he dips his head to kiss the hollow between her breasts where her heart is still thundering. His hand strays down and she gasps as he sucks and nips at her chest, then his fingers find purchase rubbing lazy circles in her soft pink flesh and she melts in to the sheets like she's made of clay. _


	4. Footprints

_He looks flustered, and he very rarely looks flustered these days, she thinks as she washes the dishes and he just sits there, eyes darting from her to the door. 'Are you about to run away, Connie Springer?' She asks with a smirk. 'Or did spepnding the morning with my father just shake you up?'_

_When he doesn't answer she wipes her hands in the apron and slowly crosses the kitchen before knocking hard on his bald head. 'Oi. Talk to me!'_

_'Sasha! What's that for?' He grunts, standing so quickly the chair topples behind him. He's a bit taller now they've hit their twenties, but shes still the one looking down at him. _

'_You haven't said anything for hours!' She drawls._

_'We haven't been here for hours.' He smirks. 'And did you know your accent gets stronger when you're here.' _

_'Shut up.'_

_'I like it.'_

_'Shut up!' She laughs, slapping his elbow playfully. 'What's up with you?'_

_He sighs and looks up at her, before shrugging and looking down at his feet. 'I sort of kinda asked your father something while we were out hunting... And I'm not very good at that by the way so I think he hates me but...'_

_'Asked him what?' She frowns. _

_'Uh... I asked him if I could maybe, you know, ask you something... In theory... And he said that theoretically I have his permission to... Ask._'

_She blinked. 'Ask me what?' She asked, only to glow a bright pink when she realised the answer a moment later. 'You asked my father?'_

_'It was a spur of the moment! I'd just killed a rabbit and I was all hopped up on adrenaline!'_

_'Adrenaline? You never asked me to marry you when we were killing fucking Titans!'_

_'I didn't want to when we were killing fucking Titans!' He barks back, and she sits down, holding her hand to her forehead. 'I just thought you were pretty sometimes, or all of the time...'_

_'You want to marry me?'_

_'Yes.' He swallows, walking around the table to kneel gracelessly in front of her. 'Sasha Blouse, I'd like to marry you.' When she doesn't speak he takes her hand and kisses the palm. 'And your father's already said I can so suck it up.'_

_To his relief she laughs, and then her hands are around his neck and she's kissing him through her tears_.

* * *

The journey down to her home would take a few days in fine weather, and a winter wedding had meant a few extra in the snow. The convoy assembled in the courtyard not long after dawn, and final checks were performed while Mikasa, Jean and Armin gave instructions to their stand ins. Levi wished Connie and Sasha his best but to no ones surprise, would not be joining them. Hange did the same, and then they were off, riding through the city and off towards the mountains.

Eren and Armin were riding together, but they wernt saying anything, that required more than one syllable. Behind them Mikasa drove the borrowed cart, her coat pulled tight up to her neckl while Krista, Ymir, Jean and Sasha had arranged themselves under the stretched canvas back and were asking every few minutes if she'd like to switch.

'It isn't that cold.' She answered calmly each time. 'Don't worry about me.' Eventually they stopped asking.

The soon to be wedded couple rose at the head of the party, and they danced around eachother and had fiery little arguments and gushy make ups constantly. It was embarrassing at first, Mikasa had thought, but as the day wore on it became endearing. They were practically already married, she realised.

Armin dropped back until he was beside the wagon. 'You need a rest?' He smiled, and his crystal blue eyes were almost a plea. Hed asked her enough times over the last few days to speak to Eren, and she could see that look now as he subtly nodded his head to the figure riding in front of them. 'I'd like to drive for a bit.'

From the back Jean called. 'Armin, maybe you can settle a dispute for us.' And the decision was made for her. With a little struggle from Armin they exchanged places without stopping, and she was left cold and riding towards someone she had no intention of speaking to. With a sigh she pulled her coat tighter around her neck, missing the practical comfort of her old scarf, if not the sentimentality.

None to subtly, Eren was eyeing her with something approaching contempt. Every now any then he would drift closer, his chesnut colt bristling under the pull of the reins, but then she'd spur her own to a faster speed, or he'd lose his nerve and they'd end up awkwardly riding beside eachother and only looking dead ahead.

'Aren't you surprised?' He asked eventually, once the city had become a town had become a winding path down through a valley.

'Hmm?' She jolted. Her mind had been busy trying to decide if his shoulders were broader or just tensed.

He kept his face neutral. 'I survived all of this time without you.'

'Oh.' She took a breath, suddenly exhausted. 'You did.'

'Hm.'

They lapsed back in to uncomfortable silence, neither looking. At the other.

Armin gave a small chuckle and watched them part, both sneaking glances when the other wasn't looking. He should have forced them together much sooner, since they were thawing a lot faster than he'd thought they would.

The inn sat bloated with music and drunks chatter a little way off the main road. A little town stretched back behind it in to the trees, but the bulk of the patrons were obviously travellers, with horses and wagons hitched to every spare scrap of wood around.

'It's fucking overflowing!' Connie grumbled, riding back to complain with Eren while Sasha happily dismounted and went about searching for the actual stables.

'It's too cold to camp, Connie.' Eren found himself shivering at the thought of bedding down in a snow covered tent.

'Sides...' Ymir had jumped from the wagon, and her teeth were chattering as she strolled around. 'Stable's empty by the looks of it.'

Sasha was beaming as she stood in the fire lit doorway, becoming them over with an exaggerated wave that made her horse pull and stomp beside her. 'Unhitch the cart boys!' They were quick to do as they were told, half to please the bride and half to escape the night's chill. Once Krista had been carried down, cheeks bright pink as Jean set her to lean unsteadily on Ymir, they locked it up and headed for the inn.

'No one bothers paying.' The stable boy complained as Mikasa handed over a few coins. After a short pause she threw another in to his palm, before turning and heading after the others.

The Rabbit's Neck was the sort of inn no one stayed at, and as such there was no difficulty in securing a room. Armin, Eren, Connie and Jean found themselves pushed in a room with four single feather beds and a single water basin. The walls were a faded green and the floor was dustier than Eren's old uniform, but the only complaint came from the soon to be husband, because 'I'm marrying someone who's too tight to get us a room alone! You should see her budget! The only thing she'll spend money on is food!'

'You get the private room once you're married, don't you?' Jean smirked as he kicked off his civilian boots.

Armin's head hit the pillow with a flourish of feathers. 'Do you think it'll calm dow?' He was talking about the noise of drunken singers with no talent and shouted conversations Which carried through their floorboards.

'Eventually.' Eren smiled, dropping his bag at the foot of his bed and stretching. 'Drink?'

'Sure.' Connie ran a hand over his face before straightening himself. 'Armin?'

'No.'

Jean was already relacing his boots, and they waited until he had stood before slipping out in to the hallway.

Mikasa watched Ymir swish her drink around carefully. Historia had said very little as she had taken the pain medication and watched them all freshen up, but the freckled girl had watched her friend with gritted teeth until finally she'd slipped into a drug aided slumber.

'I just don't understand.' Ymir hissed at no one in particular. 'Some days she's fine. She's slow, but she can walk, and then others...'

'Hange said it damaged a nerve cluster.' Mikasa tried to soothe her, but Ymir only seemed to growl at that. 'And you know what old injuries are like in the cold.'

'No.' Ymir clicked her jaw in frustration. 'I actually don't, Ackerman.'

It struck Mikasa as odd once again, that no one would speak of what was so obviously between Ymir and the princess. Even the biggest fool could tell if they took a moment to watch them talk or touch or sit in a perfect silence. Every second Ymir was alone she seemed to cool to the human world. It wouldn't be long until she fled upstairs to her love.

As it turns out, Ymir lasted another glass, but when Connie finally slammed himself down opposite Sasha, jabbing a finger at her and slurring an insult she finally gave up and offered him the last of her drink (which he took of course). She didn't weave through the crowd of inherited patrons as much as she charged, though to her obvious disappointment no one took offence or pushed back. Mikasa watched her climb the stairs before calmly turning to face Eren and Jean, who were eyeing the single spare chair opposite her with growing apprehension.

'Here.' She stood, careful not to bang in to the mean looking woman on the table behind. 'I need to get some air anyway.'

'I'll come with you.' Jean offered, but she only shook her head.

'I want quiet. You're having fun.'

He was, there was a light I'm his eyes the more he spoke with everyone, even strangers. Even Eren.

'I wont be too long.' She smiled, tapping the back of her seat, then she looked at him, at Eren fucking Yaeger in his green laced shirt and with his crystal clear green eyes, and the pleasant tone melted in to something strange and watery. 'All yours.' She let go and wove her way towards the door, heat flooding her neck and cheeks.

* * *

_'I bet you couldn't lift me over your shoulder now.' He smirked as she looked up from her spot on his chest. Here she looked small, defined but not as powerful. _

_Her back curved and she set herself up on her elbows which dug at his hip bones slightly. 'Are you saying I'm weak?' She smirked, before dipping her head to kiss at the soft skin above his belly button._

_Eren wakes to his own hand reaching out and finding nothing but cold air. The wind batters the shutters against the dirty glass windows, and he feels the chill as his chest heaves. _

_He decides then and there that an empty bed doesnt help, and when he lies back down he tries to recall why he hates her. Truth is he's pretty sure he's in the wrong._

* * *

Mikasa was leaning against the inn's side wall when he found her, her dark eyes fixed on the stars. It was easy enough to follow her footprints in the snow, but now he was there he wished it hadn't been. 'Eren.' She said without looking at him, and she toed the snow as she spoke. 'I'm... I'm not in the mood for a fight.'

He waited and watched, but she only leant back against the cold stone building, folding her arms across her chest. 'I know.' He came to stand beside her, following her eyes to The sky. 'I didn't come here to fight.'

They stood in silence, his deep breaths synching to her softer ones. Her shoulder relaxed against the hard bulk of his arm and she sighed, eyes drifting closed.

'You know,' he began, letting the back of his hand graze against hers. 'Out of the walls you can see more stars than I've ever seen in my life. I swear they're brighter.'

She moved her hand, returning it to her chest. 'Is it all you hoped?'

'Not...' He turned his head, only for her to let hers droop towards the frozen ground. 'Why didn't you come with me?' He half growled, half whined, and in the back of his mind he's insanely aware how childish he sounds.

'Eren,' she shook her head. 'Don't...'

'It's not. I thought we'd be together. I thought Armin would be there.'

'You made it clear we weren't wanted,' She turned her head up, and there's nothing in her dark eyes, not an ounce of sadness. 'Very clear I wasn't, anyway.'

'It never stopped you before.'

'I said I didn't want to fight.'

'I'm not trying to!' He huffed, turning to face her. 'I'm trying to apologise but you... You're acting like you don't give a shit.'

'You're doing a terrible job of apologising Eren.' She snapped back, looking up at him with a challenge in her eyes. 'Save it for someone who needs it.'

'_Are you that cold? I miss you. You should be there with me Mikasa. I was wrong_.' He thought, but instead he said 'for fuck sake, you cold hearted bitch...'

'Right!' She shoved past him and stomped towards the front of the inn, boots crunching in the snow. She was almost at the corner when his hands caught her at the elbows, fixing her in place.

She didn't dare move, the pressure of his sudden touch too strange as she relaxed in to it. His breath hit the back of her neck and she shivered. 'Please I... I didn't mean that.' His grip loosened and he took a step back with amother crunch of snow.

She contemplated running, but her gut kept her rooted. Eren's touch had made her numb, and just a little dizzy. Slowly she turned to look at him, her face a blank slate. 'I... Eren.' Her lip shook as she exhaled his name,

The movement could have been started by either of them, their cloud breaths mixing in the frigid air between them seemingly pulling them together. His hand fixed at her jaw and hers at the ties of his shirt, and barely an inch away he swallowed.

She pulled him forward by the collar, her lips warm and soft and completely unprepared for assault by his. He gripped her around the waist, fingertips digging in to the flesh of her ribs, then lower back. Her hands worked their way around his shoulders when his tongue finally pushed sloppily against her own, and she slipped them under the fabric once her back had hit the wall and his knee had pushed hers apart.

Her fingers stroked the scar tissue at his nape and he stilled, pulling back to suck in the cold air.

Still pinned to the wall she took in the situation. His grip on her waist had loosened and he as pulling away. She felt sick. Snatching her hands back she spun and trudged back towards the front of the inn, ignoring the pounding in her ears and chest. Her fingertips skimmed the heated pink skin of her lips and she heard herself whimper.


	5. Noble

They stopped for the third night (having spent the second in a cushy inn with few other patrons where they had all slept soundly) far earlier than Sasha would have liked, but by the time it became apparent she would not stop for even the most violent of snow storms her husband to be had stepped in.

'I can barely see you through the snow. If we don't stop we'll freeze, Sash!'

She'd turn to respond, only to turn back just as quickly as an icy flurry whipped at her eyes. 'Fine! Head for the inn then.'

Mikasa followed, her hand buried in the colt's mane as she steered him towards what looked like a stable. The horse was every bit as cold as she was, she liked to remind herself when the urge to wrap a scarf around her chin reared its head. If it didn't need a scarf then neither did she.

Except horses were built for the outside, with hair to combat the weather, and women, no matter how strong, were not.

Eren had been easy enough to avoid over the last day's journey. He'd barely looked at her, and if he had she hadn't been looking at him enough to know. She'd thought about him though, and as she slid from the saddle her lips tingled. His kiss lingered even as she willed it away, even as she tried to remember hating him (though Mikasa Ackerman had never truly hated him). By the time Jean touched her elbow she was about ready to cut her damn lips off.

'Are you coming inside or do you want some time with the horses?' He smirked, placing a chaste little kiss on her left cheek.

She felt sick. 'I'll be a minute. Need to make sure he's settled.' She laid her hand on the horses neck, smiling apologetically to the man she'd shared a bed with, who accepted it with a small shrug.

She was very aware that Eren was a few stalls away, undoing the straps and bolts of his own saddle and whispering mostly nonsense to the horse, but she hoped Jean would think nothing of it, and from what she could see he didn't. Soon after, Connie had followed him out to the main building, and save for the horses they were alone once more.

The twist in her gut wasn't strictly a bad thing, but it was hardly good. Her knuckles trembled as she brushed them down the strong chorded muscles of the horse's neck. A few stalls away Eren muttered as he checked his over, and finished removing his gear.

She wondered if if he was there for the same reason she was, but then whole idea was foolish. She needed to walk back inside to Jean, to turn on her heel and forget all about it. She sighed and braced herself to chance a look, grinding her teeth as she did. In all the thoughts, the nights of anguish and longing, she had never missed his lips. She had never missed him physically, though the ache in her chest felt it at times. All the same, as she turned her head she felt the bottom of her stomach drop away, and her cheeks were already burning by the time she looked to find him looking back at her, his green eyes severe.

* * *

_'Eren!' She snarls. _

_'What?' He turns, and the shadows on his face make him seem so thin. Blood is colouring his neck, running down to pool in his shirt, but he's somehow pale under that. Perhaps it's actually from the blood loss. 'Have you not done enough?'_

_The city around them is still smouldering, but the sun has almost set and soon torches will have to be lit while they search for survivors. _

_'Sasha and Historia are alive. Ymir is with them.'_

_His back stiffens and she imagines he looks apologetic for a second, but is passes quickly or was never there to begin with. _

_She grits her teeth. 'And I want to give you this.' It's graceful, the unwrapping. More graceful than the original placement, of a nine year _ _old boy throwing it about a girl's head to give her comfort. 'I don't need it anymore.'_

_It hurts her more than him when it lands with a barely audible thump just infront of him. The red fabric, soot sark ended and blood stained and worn from her constant wearing, looks so dark against the dirt she wonders how It looks beside her pale skin. _

_He looks down at his, tightening his jaw as the wind tosses the ends around. When he looks back to her she's heading back through the rubble, body held rigid as she clenches her fist and leaves the last of her family. _

_He can't quite believe she's going._

* * *

For a moment he felt it again, the instant regret of pushing too hard or going too far. He'd felt it so strongly when he'd walked away from her, from the dirty scarf left amidst the ruins. For days afterwards he'd wished he could go back and pick it up. He'd have liked to, and to have taken it to her, to have apologised.

As their eyes held across the empty stall of the stable he damned his pride for keeping him walking, and his legs for carrying him.

'It won't happen again.' He promised, turning back to the horse and patting its thick shoulder. 'It wasn't my intention to make you feel...'

'Don't apologise.' She smiled, scratching the chestnut colt's ears. 'it wasn't all you, was it?'

He relaxed a little at the confirmation that she had actively been a part of the kiss.

'No but... You have Jean...'

Her eyes widened and the calming pace of her hand on the horses neck slowed until she let her hand drop and reached for the door. 'I do,' Was all she said.

Outside the wind blew snow in flurries and drifts against the wooden slats of the stable. He followed her out in to the Middle, closing his door behind him with a thud and dropping all the equipment to the floor. 'Look. If you've... If you don't want to hear it... If you'd rather I left...'

'Eren?' Once again his name had caught in her throat, and she'd croaked it more than spoke. 'Do you not want to be here?'

He sighed, brow furrowing. 'I'm trying to... If you would rather I leave...'

They locked eyes then, but this time they were both an equal mixture of raw nerve endings and need. He walked forward as if she had pulled him, and she took the final step so they were toe to toe.

'Don't.' She whispered, and the air around them stilled. Her fingers made small little circles as she reached for him only to change her mind. Hesitation was a skill she couldn't oft afford, but here she was, Mikasa Ackerman, hesitating. 'Don't let me make you leave.'

'Since when could you make me do anything?' His voice was uncharacteristically light as he took her faltering hand in his own, focussing on the whistling wind and not the unbearable sound of his own heart beat.

She smiled, and her eyes drifted down his neck, fixing finally on the centre of his chest. 'I pushed you away didn't I?'

He put his lips to her forehead, though he hadn't known he would until he felt the snow damp dark hair tickle his nose. He couldn't believe he was acting this way. Like a child pining over someone. They had slept together once, that had not been the defining characteristic of their relationship. To everyone else they were practically siblings, and at times the way she protected him could have been mistaken for a maternal instinct. And it was a maternal instinct he supposed, but one she'd inherited with his own mother's death, a promise she honoured. If she had been free to chose she probably would have stayed in the fields, but she hadn't been free to chose since he'd knocked on that cabin and saved her really. She'd been in his debt since then.

'I can't.' She whispered against his neck, but she didn't stir in his grasp. 'I'm glad you're here but I...'

'Sh.' He let his chin rest against her temple. 'I just missed you, okay?'

'Hm.' She relaxed in to his grip until her arms were tucked neatly around his ribs, and his hands were stroking small circles at her shoulders. They stood there to the soundtrack of the wind battering the worn wood and the horses settling down for the night. It was all oddly comforting.

Then her fingers dug in, her thumb stroking down his side, and she pulled her head back to look at him, her eyes stormy and lips pursed as she contemplated something the way she would an assault on a 15m class titan.

'Mikasa,' he found himself saying, but for it he couldn't think any clearer. Instead, when she gave a slight nod of her head, he found himself moving with her back to the empty stall, hands moving down so his firm grip was now at her hips. Once the door was shut behind them, though anyone taller than 5 foot could see over it, he pulled her up and her legs wound around his hips, their mouths meeting with a loud clash of teeth and trapped lips. With one arm tight around his neck she wound her free hand in his hair, pulling him in as if he could get closer, as if she could keep him there. He pushed her against the back wall, shifting his grip so he could press against her without trapping his hand.

Releasing his hair she unwound her arm and pulled at the ties of his shirt. Balancing her between his hip and the cold wooden wall he reached to unclip her cloak, then with clumsy fingers, began to undo as many buttons as he could. When her hand slipped under to roam his cloth covered chest he soon forgot about the shirt, choosing instead to pull at her trousers, fingers rough with the soft leather laces. She moaned and pulled her head back, eyes completely black with lust as she ran her tongue across her flushed lips. With a twist she managed to unzip one boot, and he heard a thud as it landed behind him. Putting her back to the floor he pulled the tight fabric down over her thighs, and she slipped off the one leg before her hands joined his at his own laces.

They were both panting loudly enough that they wouldn't have heard the footsteps if someone had approached, but luckily the weather deterred any visitors from the inn. When he finally freed himself from his pants and gripped her by the waist, pinning her once more against the back wall, the panting gave way to small hushed breaths. Her bare knee was tucked against the skin of his hip, and he could feel the free leg of her trousers bunched against the other. At the back of the head someone, a smarter Eren with more nobility, was screaming at him to stop, that this wasn't going to fix anything, or make them the way they were. In fact, this noble Eren pointed out, this would change things completely, and that was without undermining the fact that Eren quite respected Jean, as much as he joked otherwise.

Noble Eren's protest were quashed by a small moan from Mikasa as she shifted her balance and they were aligned. Then Eren could only kiss her, could only hold on to her with white knuckles as he drove in, only bite at her lip as he felt her cry out against his. Stopping seemed impossible, and as she arched her back against the wall and he slid deeper and deeper he imagined she felt the same. Neither felt stupid or childish or immoral, and when finally she pulled back and buried her head in his neck, her hot mouth leaving rough marking kisses just under the shirt line, and he reached a hand down to help her because he was not finishing alone after all that, they only felt completely and utterly whole.

She finished with a choked whisper of his name, her nails digging between his shoulder and neck. He let his forehead rest on the wall beside her as he came with a grunt, heart thumping hard enough that she could feel each pump through her own chest. His senses came back to him slowly at first - the wind in the distance, the small tap of a leak dripping through the roof tiles - then all at once - her skin against him, her nails digging in, her soft breaths against his collarbone and her warmth still around him even though he was spent. He pulled out, quick to shield himself from the now frigid air.

Mikasa pulled her trouser leg back on and reached for her boot, but she was not, to his satisfaction, as graceful as she usually was. There was a shake to her hands, a little tremor that betrayed some unsteadiness. When she finally looked at him, the pink of her cheeks was the only hint of emotion.

He thought about smiling, something soft and warm, but it was somehow impossible to manage. Instead he held her gaze with a matching indifference. This, noble Eren in the back of his mind grinned, was what he had worried about.

She turned her head to the stable door. 'I shouldn't have done that.'

'We shouldn't have.' He agreed, though something in his gut burnt to say it. 'It was a mistake.'

'Agreed.' She relaxed slightly. 'I'm...'

'He won't find out.' Eren found himself saying. 'Not from me.'

'I see.' She met his gaze again, and he found he was't sure anymore what he wanted, and definitely not what she wanted. 'This can't happen again. I can't...'

'It won't.'

She nodded, her lips curving up ever so slightly to something warm before the smile died and she was once again walking away for him. He smoothed down his hair and sank back against the wall, letting the back of his head connect with a thunk before sliding down to sit against the thin layer of straw.

* * *

Ymir's dark eyes glowed gold in the candle light, though Mikasa wished they would not glow at all. Sasha and Historia were asleep. They were snoring already, wrapped in two blankets each, but not this girl. The titan shifter was reading some small blue book, and when Mikasa entered she wasn't even doing that.

She was waiting for her, Mikasa realised, when Ymir sat up and pushed a finger to her lips.

'Now you can tell me it's the cold that has your cheeks coloured like that Ackerman, but you and Yaeger were in that stables a very long time.'

If the cold had coloured them pink, her cheeks were crimson now. 'Ymir...'

'Don't worry. They're dead to the world, and I'm hardly going to tell anyone your business. It is your business.' There was a pause, long enough for Mikasa to think she was in the clear. Then. 'But, I do wonder if you know what you're doing. You're tough, but not in the stringing two guys along way...'

'I'm not stringing anyone along.' She found herself protesting, but Ymir had already made her as the stringer. 'I... I'm happy with Jean...'

'Happy.' Ymir nodded, and with a scratch of her cheek she hummed. 'Happy is nice. See this...' She gestured between herself and the sleeping Historia. 'This used to be happy, but now, now it's hard work.' She waited for her bombshell to sink in and when she was happy the fight had gone out of Mikasa's eyes she continued. 'Now, I find myself worried more days than not. If she has a good day I worry it might turn bad, and if it's a bad day I worry we'll never get another good one. Yeah, so this isn't happy anymore, it's something else, but I'd take it over happy any day.' She let her gaze linger on her sleeping lover, then with a sigh turned back to Mikasa, smiling as if she had just told a joke. 'Your choice Ackerman. Happiness or complete mental anguish.'

* * *

Eren kept his palm flat on his sternum. His heart was still beating like a drum. He was surprised none of the others had woken up. Jean was tossing and turning, whimpers and half shouts and a one sided conversation with Marco (who's name he repeated like a chant) were sounding over the snow bitten wind. His heart was the baseline, and together they filled the room with a sickening song, something tribal and haunting that had sweat forming on the back of Eren's neck.

Two weeks ago he hadn't wanted to see her, he'd have cursed her name if someone had said it, but here he was stinking of her, accepting the fact that of all the things he had ever done, walking away from Mikasa Ackerman was the worst. Fucking her in the stable while her partner cried out in his sleep for all the terrible things he'd seen, a close second.


	6. In the snow

It was a sincere smile, and that was the worst part of it. Jean clapped a hand on Eren's shoulder, firm but reassuring as they had grumbled about this and that. He wondered faintly if anything gave it away, if the over enthusiastic nodding was actually working against him, but if Jean had his suspicions he was keeping them to himself.

Then again, Mikasa had made it very clear that she and Eren were not on amicable terms. They sat apart, they didn't speak, and any eye contact was both accidental and brief. For everyone else their relationship had not changed since the final battle, and now they were finally at Sasha's village she was safely curled up beside Jean at night. Who could suspect a thing.

What a mistake it had been anyway, a few years of distance striking like lightning to the fastest route, the quickest way to air every raw and pained emotion. See the sex before the battle was the same, a shortcut through the long goodbyes, because how do you say goodbye to someone you've known so long, that you know better than yourself, when all you can think about is what they mean to you and how you're not sure. Kisses and fumbles they'd had but the majority owing to curiosity. That night they'd been driven by the need to make somethig concrete before they died, to at least have tried it.

Why they had needed to now, when they had a thousand other things to talk about... Well it was the same thing that had him with the wide eyed young girls with long dark hair and skin pale as working in a field would allow. Yes, Eren had certainly developed a type.

'What do you actually do, Jean?' He asked, cutting off a conversation between he and Armin. 'Now they're all dead why aren't you, you know, scouting...'

Armin sighed and scratched his chin. 'The scouts isn't getting too many volunteers, and our numbers were more than halved...'

'I know, Armin, I was there. I'm asking why you're hanging around here in your tiny numbers and not looking out there.'

'Looking for what?' Jean shrugged. 'People don't trust the military police anymore, and before we leave we need to make sure that everything's clean. We can't set off on an expedition only to return and find some crackpot has everything sealed up again.'

'Besides,' Armin grinned. 'Soon we'll be going. We're already gathering volunteers to leave the walls. It's not easy finding them, people are comfortable here.'

We weren't, thought Eren, remembering two boys with their noses in old hidden books.

Sensing the shift in his friend, Armin straightened, smile more determined than cheerful. 'My parents died to get out there Eren. I want to go and as soon as I have a spare few weeks...'

'Hange is working us too hard.' Jean agreed. 'She only just let Sasha off and she's not even a full soldier anymore.'

'She doesn't like it anymore than we do, though.' Armin scratched the back of his neck. 'I don't think she sleeps anymore.'

Eren turned his head to the window, looking out at the still snow scape of the mountains. 'We should have gone together...'

'As soon as you and Mikasa say a civil word to eachother.' Armin smirked, and behind him Jean nodded.

Eren felt sick.

* * *

It was quite surprising how they all took to threading ribbon around the small sacks of sugared almonds and chocolate drops that were party favours. The bride to be sat at the head of the table, though her mouth was never empty and her sacks felt a little light. Opposite her sat a cousin who had barely said a word and wove her ribbons as if it would cure the world's ills. To her left Ymir sat with her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth and eyes narrow with concentration. Next to her Krista flicked her eyes from Mikasa to the bruiser of a childhood friend who was knocking her elbow with ever new knot.

Mikasa had to admit, a week ago such a minor irritation would have been met with the same cold nonchalance she reserved for everything not a titan. Now though, with her mind full of green eyes and sun kissed skin and her own name being whispered against the skin of her neck, well now then rythmic thump of this country girl's elbow in to her own was driving her a little mad.

'Lorna.' Sasha warned when the chubby woman chuckled, actually outright chuckled. 'You don't want to mess with Mikasa.'

'Oh come on Blousey.'

'Hah. Blousey.' Ymir snorted. 'Better than Potato girl.'

Another elbow hit Mikasa and she found herself quite inexplicably on her feet, looming over the suddenly pale woman with a hand pressed to her chest.

'Outside.' Sasha pushed her lightly away, and Mikasa found herself wondering just when she'd lost her edge. Sasha had moved too fast for her, she had managed to stop her, What a one in ten chance that must have been.

'Your friend is a bitch.' She found herself saying as she trudged in the snow towards the barn.

'Yeah. When we were children she used to pick me up by my ears. But her father and my father are friends so...' She let out a low whistle. 'So, want to talk about it?'

'About it?' She shook her head, and her hair which was just down past her shoulders, chose that moment to catch a breeze and wind around her mouth. She picked it out before sighing and turning to face Sasha. 'How are you so calm?'

'What?' Sasha laughed. 'Calm...'

'In a few days you'll be tied to Springer. You're choosing him forever, aren't you worried?'

'Of course I'm not worried. I'm nervous, sure but...' Sasha shivered and turned her head back to the house. 'I don't see me with anyone else, and if I saw him with anyone else I'd shoot her.'

She didn't quite realise the laugh was her own until her fingers clasped over her mouth to stop it. 'You... You two are perfect for eachother.' She managed.

'I know.' Sasha beamed.

Mikasa's laughter died to the eerie stillness of the first day after a snow storm. A few feet away Sasha Blouse shifted from foot to foot. 'You can tell me, you know.'

It was true, here was someone she trusted. Not always, not when they'd first met, but somewhere between taunting her with bread and teasing her she'd grown to be a friend, and they had once trusted the other with their very lives. 'I can't...'

'Mikasa. I can put half of it together already. Eren's back, and you've been... You've been colder since. You barely say more than two words and if you do they aren't nice but I think...' She took a breath. 'It's Eren you need to be saying them to. Hell, Jean must be suffering too but he won't say anything.'

He didn't have to say anything. Jean still wouldn't touch her beyond the soft goodnight kiss or brush of her arm in bed, like he was still worried she was distracting herself with him, that he was a replacement.

Something in her face gave it away, and Sasha shook her head suddenly angry. 'Mikasa, you're not... You wouldn't...'

'Wouldn't what?' She asked, trying to keep her expression as still as she could.

'You've... What does he mean to you?'

Theyd been over it before and usually the answer was a garbled bag of 'family' and 'best friend' but then they just died on her tongue. Instead the usually so sure woman shrugged her shoulders, fixing her eyes on the now sodden ground. 'But it doesn't matter. It won't happen again.'

'Again...' Sasha frowned, but before she could go on the barn door was thrown open, and out stumbled two young men in the midst of a scuffle, one of whom she knew rather well.

'Eren!' Jean called as he followed them, long arms reaching to pluck the village boy away. 'Stop.'

The boy, and he was a boy really, barely any hair on his chin and not a shadow on his face, wriggled free, his knee finding Eren's gut. Eren swung for his jaw, connecting and sending the boy stumbling dazed back in to Jean's arms.

'Oi!' Another runt shouted, running out to punch at the back of Eren's skull. 'Oi you titan bastard.'

She had him around the arms before his next punch could connect, kicking the back of his knee until the boy was down in the snow.

Eren had fallen forward, but he wasn't hurt. He was seething, it was painfully obvious from the way he was sitting up, the way he was looking at the boy under Mikasa's hands, then at her as if weighing up the chances of getting away with it. Armin was at his side soon enough, a shaking hand on his shoulders.

Sasha had the first boy by the collar, positively snarling at him to run home and never step foot on her soil again, while Mikasa held the second tightly by the arms. She was exerting more force than necessary.

When Jean released the brat he sped off without his friend, kicking up snow in his wake.

Sasha knelt down so she was at eye level. 'What happened?'

When the boy didn't speak Mikasa tightened her grip.

'Ah! He's a titan! We were walking past and we heard him say it!' The boy groaned as her grip relaxed. 'Said he missed being one!'

'You're a fucking idiot.' She spat in the snow before placing her finger at the tip of his nose. 'If it wasn't for him we'd all be dead now, you hear. Dead a thousand times over.'

It was a slight exaggeration, Mikasa thought as she felt the boy relax in her grip, but only slight.

'Sasha...'

'Get the fuck out of here.' She shook her head and stood, walking back towards Eren. Mikasa let the boy slump down in the slurry before walking around to the little crowd of her friends.

Eren brushed away the snow that had clung to his knees and arm, biting his lip as he grumbled.

'I think you broke his jaw.' Jean laughed, scratching his own. 'I heard something click.'

'I tried not to hit him.' He growled. 'Little shit.'

'I'm sorry Eren.' Sasha sighed. 'My dad tried to explain before you came but...'

'Whatever. Whatever it's fine.'

* * *

_'Does it bother you?' He whispers in the darkness of the storage building while she sits on an old desk, her legs on either side of his hips and their bodies running on nerves and instinct. _

_'What?' She murmurs, a little testy now he's stopped kissing her. _

_He smiles and pushes her lips to his, a little pacification before stopping again. 'That I'm a... You know.'_

_'That you can piss standing up? Do you think I like women Eren?' She teases._

_'No! That I'm a... That I'm a fucking titan.'_

_The silence stretches out for a while, until finally she shakes her head, looking down at her own chest. 'Youre not a Titan. You're something else, and I've told you before not to feel bad about it.' _

_He doesn't look convinced._

_Wit a sigh she meets his gaze again. 'If you weren't, we'd all be dead. Armin, you, Sasha, Jean, Levi. Are you still not convinced?' _

_His fingers cover her own at his cheek after skimming the small scar on hers. 'I'm just not sure I'm the right person for it. I'm not sure I've made the right decisions...'_

_He kisses her, but it's harder somehow, too stiff, and she can't help him with this one, not yet, she doesn't know how. _

* * *

He was surprised when it was her that knocked at the door once everyone else had slipped off to bed. He'd been expecting a visit from Armin, or perhaps Connie or Sasha. At a pinch, Ymir, who would give him a surprisingly wise monologue while at the same time insulting both his intelligence and looks. Instead there he was, accepting a cloth wrapped around packed snow from Mikasa.

Gingerly he pressed it to the bump at the back of his head. 'Hello.' He said, and it sounded so stupid he almost slammed the door in her face. 'Can I help you?' That was no better.

She blinked, then turned her head, giving him a good look at her profile before turning once more to fix him with cool eyes. 'How are you feeling?'

He sighed. 'Mikasa...'

'Can I come in?'

'You shouldn't...'

'Eren...'

'Mikasa...'

'We need to talk.'

'Do we now?' He stepped aside anyway, watching as she swept past him. 'It's late Mikasa. Jean'll be worried.'

She scoffed. 'He's already worried. He wanted me to.. He thought if we talked...'

'What?' He barked a laugh. 'He thought if you and I were friends again then we'd all be walking around with big titan sized smiles on our stupid faces...'

'He thought you and I wouldn't seem so miserable, yes.' She hissed. 'And I don't understand it. The Titans are all dead Eren, just like you wanted.'

He dropped the snow pack on the small dresser, baring his teeth. 'I'm not unhappy. I'm happy.'

'As am I.'

'Then what are you doing here?'

The room seemed tiny then as they stared at eachother, both hyper aware of the bed at her back, the closed door, the drawn curtains. At least, he thought, he wasn't shirtless. At least there was some distance.

'I should...' She hadn't finished the sentence before she was bolting past him in a breeze of dark hair and green.

'Yeah.' He called after her, in to the dark corridor. 'Yes you should.'

He laced around the tiny room until a twinge in his head reminded him that she had brought him snow, and he had been an ass hole.

* * *

Jean was still awake when she slipped in to the room, but only barely.

'How'd it go?' He asked, cracking one amber eye open but keeping the other closed.

She smiled and nodded her head. 'Not too bad. I gave him some snow for his head.'

She stripped off the shirt and bra before donning a cotton nightdress and kicking off her trousers. 'I don't understand though. He always wanted to be able to go wherever he... Just outside the walls...'

'He always had you and Armin, didn't he? I don't think Jaeger is used to being alone Mikasa.'

Her fingers stilled as she smoothed down the fabric.

'And I don't think he was as sore with you as he seemed.'

Her cheeks were alight, if he had been half awake he'd have seen her glowing Crimson, but now Jean was lying with an arm over his eyes, nestled safely against the pillow. He was blatantly not as sore at her as he seemed, their coupling in the stable had been a testament to that. He'd kissed her like a drowning man would kiss the earth, or a plank of wood that would keep him afloat. All the same she'd forgotten about Jean, the new survey corps and their new orders and the fact she hadn't stepped outside of Maria, not once, as soon as he'd touched her.

'Love.' She frowned at the wall.

'You too.' Jean murmured.

For the first time in a long time her fingers reached for the ends of a scarf that wasn't there.


	7. Conscience

'_...Mikasa, it's like... I had a wedding, me and Grisha, because I love him very much.'_

_The quiet girl wraps the scarf tightly around her mouth and mumbles, 'Like you love Eren?' Or me, she hopes._

_Carla turns a not unpleasant shade of pink. 'I love Eren, but it's a different love. He's my son.'_

_'But you have to love your husband.' Mikasa frowns down at her toes while she thinks. _

_'Yes you should love your husband, but it's a choice. You get to choose who you let in to your heart, to be a family.' The mother smiles, laying a hand on the young girl's shoulder. 'And when you've found someone you love like that you have a wedding.'_

_Mikasa mulls it over, hands pulling the scarf to tuck under her chin. She thinks of the kisses and impulsive dances between her own parents, the way sometimes her mother would smile at the window while he was hunting, or clutch his hand tightly while they sat at the table with their daughter. 'Like me and Eren...?'_

_Carla smiles, a little unsure. 'You two will always be family. It's difficult to explain, but it'll happen when you're older Mikasa, and it's more than the dress or the food afterwards. It's a whole new phase of your life.' She pinches the girls cheek softly before turning back to the chicken she was plucking_.

* * *

Sasha stood panting as Ymir pulled on the chords of her dress. 'It fit a few days ago!' She explained, one hand braced on the wall, the other on her own waist.

'You weren't this fat a few days ago.' Ymir grunted, pulling harder.

Sasha growled. 'I've been stress eating!'

'Really.' Ymir sighed with relief once her knot held. 'Bodice is in place.'

'Great.' Historia beamed as she set upon Sasha's hair, walking stick forgotten. 'Are you sure you and Connie haven't been indulging in after wedding activities?' She teased. 'Are your nipples sore?'

'I'm not pregnant.' She drawled. 'My metabolism is just failing me. So I need you to hurry up because I want to marry Connie before twenty three years of eating like a pig catches up with me.'

'Not like a pig.' Mikasa smiled as she examined her reflection. 'Pigs take breaks to roll in the mud.'

She was dressed in cream, a simple dress that hung low on her shoulders but was somehow modest. It tightened at her waist, clinched with a brown belt, and then fell down just past her knees. It was all far too delicate. Ymir's dress seemed shorter, but somehow in it the freckled girl looked like a goddess, the sort who would shoot you down for defiance. Next to her Historia shone like one who would heal your wounds.

Sasha looked the strangest, with her hair pinned in curls and her dress flowing down to the floor. The sleeves reached down to her wrists and there was something about it that made her look too much like a sacrifice, as though she would be fed to a dragon or thrown to the sea. 'Am I ready?' She asked, looking down at her shaking hands.

'Yes.' Krista smiled, finishing the last curl and resting her hands at her shoulders. 'You look beautiful.'

'You do.' Ymir smiled. 'Connie will think you're someone else.'

'You're ready.' Mikasa left her corner, laying a hand on Sasha's free shoulder.

'Right.' She nodded, then quite suddenly she slapped at her own cheek before standing. 'I'm ready.' She bolted for the door, snatching a bouquet of white winter flowers as she went.

Connie waited at the front of the church, his eyes fixed on the strange tapestry behind the alter. The local priest, an old man who had married Sasha's parents along with half of the guests, smiled warmly whenever their eyes met, but spent most of his time glaring at Eren, who stood behind Armin and Jean. Connie was about to say something about it when the door flew open, and Sasha, eyes determined and hands wound so tightly around her flowers that the heads of some had fallen off, came teetering in, her father supporting her with one arm.

A woman with long silver hair played a soft melody on her flute which ended just as the bride reached the groom. Her father kissed her forehead before taking his seat, and the bridesmaids took their places.

Mikasa shared a smile with Jean before turning back to the couple who were awkwardly repeating their vows and trying not to laugh.

Then she chanced a glance at Eren. Like the others he had been tidied up by an aunt of the family, hair cut and face clean shaven. They had all been forced in to fitted white shirts, and black braces cut a line over their shoulders, but his made him seem so much thinner, and oh so tall. The simple outfit made his eyes seem brighter, brought out the glow of his skin and the golden brown tones of his now controlled hair. She watched as his eyes darted from her to their friends and back, and when he finally settled, she offered a small smile.

His expression softened, but the eye contact did not get any easier to hold. Every second made something in her brain itch, and something in her stomach twist. Her mind raced through conversations that could happen or touches, and when the priest briefly spoke about the carnal side of love and most in the hall gave a laugh, she felt her stomach drop while his Adams Apple bobbed in his throat.

Jean caught her eye next, his eyebrows together as he tried to read her, then his teeth gritted as he looked to Eren who was still looking at her, a little sadness in his eyes now.

'Together,' the priest bellowed as he wrapped the black ribbon around their joined hands. 'I thee bind, as we all bear witness to this union. I pronounce you man and wife.'

Sasha squeaked and turned to plant her lips on Connies with an audible smack, earning an 'ooh' From the Crowd and an 'Oi' from her father.

Armin was the first to salute, his hand pressed hard in to the fabric of his slightly too big shirt. Ymir followed suit, then Historia, Mikasa, Eren, Jean. In her knee length cream dress, with her hands clasped either side of her heart, Mikasa Ackerman felt the first tear in a long time fall.

* * *

He'd known it was coming since the eye contact in the church, but Eren was still shocked when Jean asked him. 'You and her, is it over?' He asked, keeping his voice low despite the din of string instruments and loud mountain folk.

'Jean.' He sighed, putting down his pint of ale. 'There's nothing between us.' He wriggled under the other man's gaze and when the heat was too much he began to roll up his sleeves, pushing them up past the muscles and veins of his forearm. 'You've got nothing to worry about.'

Jean nodded, undoing the top button of his own. 'I just don't know Eren, she told me that too and I don't believe her anymore than you.'

'Honestly. Whatever was between us is long in the past.' A few days, he thought.

'It's not that simple though is it?' He sighed, sipping at his ale. 'Something that big doesn't stay in the past.'

Eren wanted to lie. If Jean wanted him to stay away fine, as long as he didn't ask about it, about the recent past. Lying to Jean was not as comfortable as it once had been.

'Why don't you go find her.' He smiled. 'Dance with her, tell her she's beautiful. You'll realise I'm no threat.'

Armin swayed uneasily as he strode over to them, a silly beam on his red hued face. 'Heyy.' He flung an arm around each of them. 'Jean, she does look beautiful. Why aren't you dancing with her right now? She needs to be... Be danced with.'

Jean blushed. 'Right.' He said as he slipped from under Armin's arm and back towards the wall. 'I'll go and tell her.'

Eren watched him go before taking a long sip and then slipping off his braces one at a time so they hung about the back of his thighs. 'You going to tell me to let it go?' He cocked an eyebrow at Armin, who was looking more and more like a caricature of a drunk by the second. 'That she's happy and I need to leave her be?'

Armin frowned. 'Why would I say that?'

'In my dreams you're my conscience.' Eren shrugged.

'Fuck your conscience. All I ever wanted besides a house by the sea and a wife with red hair was you two happy. Now your both _happy_ I realise that all I actually wanted was you happy together.' He. Slurred.

'Armin.' Eren fell back against the barn wall, watching as Jean kissed Mikasa's cheek at the other side of the ballroom. 'You have a thing for red heads?'

'But you couldn't be happy together. I was there Eren. Erwin came to her and offered it up. One chance to extract you or someone not as skilled would have to do it and they would kill you. I saw her hesitate, weigh up your life with her squads and then when she failed to decide Erwin replaced her and ordered it. He ordered it Eren.'

The roar of the party was suddenly too loud.

'She got you out, then out of danger while the stragglers were killed. She saved your life and you left her. You left her scarf...'

'Its just a scarf Armin.' He shook his head and pushed away from the wall, weaving through the crowd to Connie and Sasha who were both sloshing ale over the skirt of her dress.

'Jaeger!' Connie held up his pint. 'Have you met my wife?'

'Oh shut up.' Sasha blushed, then added, 'Husband.'

'Sasha Springer.' Eren half bowed. 'Never thought I'd see the day.' He grinned.

'We...' Connie jumped to his feet. 'We didn't think you'd come you know. Thought you'd be off seeing the world...'

'Didn't think you'd want to see everybody.' Sasha added. 'Glad you came, Eren.'

'Me too.' Connie nodded.

'Congratulations.' He beamed, raising his pint.

'They'll be next!' Connie slurred, catching the attention of Jean and Mikasa who were arguing in hushed tones in the corner. 'And you and Armin will be the only bachelors left.'

Sasha shook her head. 'C'ept Levi.'

'Except Levi.' Connie nodded. 'Unless Ymir counts.' He cast an eye to the two women seated at a small table near the doors.

'No.' Eren smirked. 'I think she's taken.'

'Oh.' Connie frowned. 'Oh wow.'

Sasha poked his cheek with a chuckle. 'You can't be that clueless?'

He watched the two dissolve in to a half hearted fight, Sasha teasing and Connie puffing himself up, and from the corner of his eye he caught the very real reconciliation between Jean and Mikasa, the tentative hand holding, the tender smiles, it was all a bit much if he was honest, but then he shouldn't mind. He had sent Jean over in the first place, he was ridding himself of it all.

It was just that he wanted to rip that cream dress to shreds...

'Hey.' Sasha tapped at his shoulder. 'You're staring.' She said softly, and when Eren turned back to her with a face lit beet red she gave a sad little smile. 'I thought you two couldn't stand eachother.'

'It...' He swallowed, a hand running through his hair. 'It wasn't that simple.'

Connies hand clasped hard on his shoulder. 'Let me introduce you to some of the country girls.' He beamed, leading Eren away with a firm grip. 'There's Sarah, and Dahlia and Lorna and... Oh this is Midge...'

The woman Connie settled on was a thin thing with warm honey blond hair and eyes of startling blue. She smiled sweetly, and gave Eren a little curtesy before taking his hand and letting him spin her around once or twice as Connie retreated to his new wife (who's thunderous expression did nothing to ruin his sense of accomplishment.)

'You're the titan?' She asked, before a pink blush descended and she snatched back her hand. 'Oh god I mean... I'm sorry we've just heard so much about you.'

'It's fine.' He smiled, taking her hand again, and in his it felt small but unbelievably warm. 'Eren.'

'Midge.' She wrinkled her nose. 'So, Eren...'

'Yes?'

'You're not a very good dancer are you?'

He laughed as he spun her again before bringing her in to settle on his chest. 'Whatever do you mean?' He smirked.

She didn't seem to mind, truth be told, she was pressed up quite close, her eyes fixed quite intently upon his own. He imagined it for a second, a little home with this little woman and the sheets always draped around their hips. It would be nice for a week or two. Then, like the others, something in him would crack and he'd be distant, apathetic. She'd nag, they'd argue, it would end and not only would he never see her again, he'd have to be very careful when he visited Sasha and Connie.

'Sorry, I need some air.' He bowed his head as he let go, and she nodded with a smile, watching him go safely under the impression he would come back.

The night air was bitingly cold, but the sky was cloudless, and in the mountains the stars shone down with a fierceness Hed rarely seen before leaving the walls. The moon, halfway through its cycle, was more light than not and it cast the entire village in its pale blue light, bouncing off the snow with a shimmer of crystal. It was, for lack of a better phrase, beautiful. Eren leant back against the barn wall, listening to the hum of the party inside, the high whine of the string instruments from the now drunk band, the footfalls of all those dancing.

He contemplated leaving as he had done every day since reaching Shina. Connie and Sasha couldn't complain, and Armin would be sore that he didn't say goodbye but it would pass quickly. Jean would probably think his suspicions confirmed, that he was in love with the other's woman, that Eren Jaeger wanted something he had, like some snot nosed child.

He shoved his hands in to the trouser pockets, trying to ignore the goose flesh climbing his arms.

* * *

_He runs his hands up from her wrist, past the elbow and up to the shoulder, then all the way back down, over and over until his rough hands are furnaces and the chatter of her teeth stops. 'Come on, humanity's strongest woman.'_

_'Strongest.' She grunts. 'Not warmest.'_

_He clicks his tongue and pulls her closer, letting her bury her head in his chest. 'We should go back now. Before we're missed.'_

_'Are you saying you'd rather be warm than kiss me, Eren?'_

_Her cheeks take all the warmth left in her body. They've never really admitted to it out loud, to the kisses that kill time some nights. Stupid as it is neither has expressed a fondness for it. _

_He swallows. 'Mikasa...'_

_'No. It's okay.' She steals back her arms. 'I'm... We should.'_

_'Yeah.' _

_'Goodnight, Eren.'_

_It seems suddenly a lot colder._

* * *

Jean ran his thumb in calming little circles over her knuckles as they danced a slow back and forth. His eyes were lost to the waves of black hair that bobbed with every turn, or the curve of her pale neck where it met her shoulder. 'You look beautiful.' He sighed, as if the confession had never been meant for her ears.

She rand a hand down one of the suspender steaps, twanging it against the hard slope of his chest. 'You clean up well too, Kirstein.'

The door to the barn opened with a bang, and silhouetted by the white snow was the very cold, very tired and very grumpy Levi, his eyes ringed with a black shadow. 'Sorry to interrupt. Apparently this couldn't wait.'

He walked forward to Sasha who was standing with her hands at her hips. 'Yes, yes, you look lovely.' He murmured, brushing her aside. 'I'm very happy for you two. Now where's Armin?'

'Here sir!' The drunken blonde detached himself from the rather large red headed lady he was dancing with and gave Levi a sloppy salute.

'Tch. You'll have to do. Hange needs you back as soon as you can be. Without you and Kirstein they've got her tied up in knots in the courts. She won't tell me why though.' he dropped his voice and the music picked back up as those with no interest in politics or the grouchy short man in uniform drifted away. 'Just said to keep Ymir and Eren out of the picture.'

Jean approached with Mikasa's hand clasped tightly.

'Ah, sorry really, but they aren't my orders.' He shrugged. 'Hange needs you. I rode here in two days and you had better get back in one.'

'We'll leave in the morning...' Mikasa began, but a suddenly sober Armin shook his head.

'She's asked for Jean and I. We'll leave now. Mikasa, if what I think is happening is happening I'd feel safer if you were with Eren and Ymir.'

Jean stiffened. 'Are you staying?' He turned to Levi who squared his jaw and nodded. 'Well...'

Levi frowned. 'I suppose I should tell you, my orders were to keep Ackerman here.'

'Levi...' She hissed.

'Oi,' Connie stumbled forward, poking a finger at his superior's chest. 'You stealing our guests?'

'I'm sorry about my husband.' Sasha covered her eyes with one hand. 'He's a bit overexcited.'

Once they had packed and loaded their horses, Armin and Jean said their farewells. He kissed her on the forehead but it was brisk and hard, while Armin pulled her in for a deep hug. 'You look beautiful Mi.' He mumbled, and then he took Eren in for a rough back clapping hug that caught the titan shifter off guard.

Watching them go Levi raised his mug of wine before downing it in one. 'Well. Let's not waste the wedding,' he smiled and turned to head back in to the din of the barn. Sasha and Connie followed, leaving the pair stood fast in the snow.

He eyed her cautiously, trying to ignore the little hum of excitement in his gut. 'Mikasa.' He sighed. 'I realise I've not been the best company lately...'

'It's okay Eren.' She turned and began to walk back through the snow, rubbing her hands up and down her own shoulders as she did.

'No it's not.' He shouted, hand running through his own hair. 'I'm an idiot. I've been an idiot. I should be happy for you. I should let you be happy.'

She turned, her eyes slightly wider but otherwise composed. 'What are you saying?' She barely whispered.

He cleared his throat. 'I'm saying...'

'Oi! Mikasa!' Ymir shouted from the door, grinning like a cat from ear to ear. 'I've got money on you verses this county farmer in an arm wrestle, so get in here and make it good.' She disappeared With a cackle.

'I need to go.' Mikasa gestured behind her, the other reaching for the phantom scarf ends. Before falling to her chest.

'I'm sorry, you know.' He croaked. 'That I didn't pick it up.'

In her chest her heart gave a very loud thathump, it send all the blood in her body rushing up to her ears.

She turned on her heel and stomped back to the barn, to the wedding of a friend, to an arm wrestle against a complete stranger.

* * *

As weddings went, Sasha and Connie's had been a good one. The guests had left their mark on the venue, with decorations scattered around the floor and food crushed undertoe. A few had slept where they'd fallen, curled around their cup or face down in the table, but now most had retreated to their homes.

Eren said his goodbyes to the couple, who were still swaying in each others arms even after the last melancholic love song had died on the last singing drunk's lips. They waved him off with muttered thanks and slurred praises, and when he left the barn he heard Connie tell Sasha in no uncertain terms, that the depth of his love was deeper than her stomach.

He'd stretched it out as long as he could, staying long past the last guest had fallen asleep, but still once he'd closed the bedroom door behind himself he felt at a loss, too wired to end the night already. He paced and sat at the edge of the bed only to pace again, all the while thinking it over. He'd seen the girl with blue eyes and honey coloured hair dancing with other men all night but looking only at him. He knew if he had said she'd be there right now, happily making him forget all about dark hair and dark eyes and smiles that told a thousand emotions in the smallest of movements.

He made up his mind sometime past three, when the stars had been eclipsed by a blanket if cloud and he could barely see as he stumbled out in to the hallway. Her door was aglow with the faint outline of candlelight and he felt suddenly very nauseas. He stopped just short, raised his hand but could not bring it to touch the wood. Inside the room a floorboard shifted, and his hand dropped to his side.

A wedge of light shone out in to the hallway, almost blinding him as he tried to look at her. She was still wearing the dress, though her hair had lost some of its earlier neatness and had adopted a thick wavy texture that looked wilder, stronger. She opened her mouth to speak but changed her mind and waited for him, and in his trance Eren could only open his mouth once or twice and then shake his head.

'I don't know what I'm doing here.' He admitted, reaching up to cup a hand over his neck. 'I shouldn't be I just wanted to... Wanted to see you...'

She blinked, and her chest shuddered beneath the cream fabric as she took in his appearance, his expression. 'I don't want to do this to him.' She said, but she moved aside all the same, and slowly he walked forward, taking in the small guest room, and turning to wait for her to look at him.

Mikasa closed the door then laid her forehead upon it.

'I can't help it. I want to...' She sighed, and then stopped breathing. His hands worked around her elbows, then up to her shoulders, and she could feel his breath against the skin of her neck and ear. 'Eren.' She moaned, and her body leant back against him even if she didn't tell it to.

It was strange, he had to concede. He had not really planned the touch, but more watched his own hands move to her. Moving her hair to the other side of her neck was a conscious decision, but kissing the edge of her jaw was not, and circling a hand around to press against her hip certainly wasn't.

Mikasa twisted in his arms, eyes darker as she pressed her trembling lips to his, then twisted fully and placed her cold hands on the hot skin of his neck and then shoulders. Her lips were soft, much softer than his, and he found himself wondering deep at the back of his brain if it was because of all the kisses Jean had been privy to, the ones he'd missed for his stubborn nature, his error in judgement. You see, the ale in his stomach told him, they should have all been his. He didn't deserve them, but how could they have been given to someone else.

She pulled him down by the collar of the shirt, her hand fisted in the cool white cotton as his smoothed over the cream of the dress, tongue eager as it danced against her own. He stumbled back to the bed, awkwardly pulling her with him until he pulled back, his hands climbing back to sit on her shoulders where he softly spun her around.

His fingers shook as he found the soft white buttons of the dress and began to undo them, his hand moving down slowly as his breaths raced. She was frozen under his touch, and he could see over her shoulder to her hands clasped tightly at her chest, but he persisted, fingers skimming the soft lace of her underwear and the porcelain skin of her back. He helped lower the sleeves, dragging them further down her shoulders, thumbs skimming the small scars there. She bit her lip and pushed a hand to her stomach, keeping the dress in place as he turned her back to face him.

Wit th their eyes locked she let it drop, then without looking down she set upon his buttons, fingers working quickly but not rushing. He watched her, scanned the slope of her breasts, the still taught muscles of her stomach and then watched the little flex of muscles just above her collar bone as she undone each and every button. With a final pop she moved the shirt down his arms, up and over his wrists, and then let it fall to the floor behind him. Her fingers ghosted over the tense muscles of his abdomen, up to his ribs, then back down to the laces of his black pants, and now she looked up at him, watching as he sucked in deep breaths, as his chest heaved with want or resistance or anticipation. Her own was no different, and her heart fluttered faster than she'd ever felt it, pounding away at the breast bone, trying so hard to break out.

Because how easy would this be if they were both heartless?

He let a deep sigh slip from his straight lips and raised a hand to her cheek where his fingers traced the small pink-silver scar he had given her so long ago. His other hand came down to brush the off white lace underwear, following her curves down to rest on her hip. 'This.' He whispered, 'is significantly nicer than the old regulation stuff.'

She graced him with a smile then, a little wrinkle forming at the bridge of her nose, and he found himself leaning down to capture her lips once more. She finished with his laces and he sat at the edge of the bed, pulling her with him so they could both lie back, their lips clashing with loud smacks, his large hands roaming over ever inch of skin. She pulled his trousers away without breaking from the kiss, and not to be outdone he reached for the back of her bra, but upon failing yanked down the front lace with a small growl against her lips, and dipped his head to kiss his way down until his lips closed around the soft peach skin of her nipple.

She bucked but a hand at her hip soother her, and she relaxed in to an arched back, her hand winding through his short dark hair as he pulled and sucked and kissed all upon her chest, and when he was finally done she yanked him upwards for another breathless kiss, this time moving so that she was straddling his lap, the thin cotton lace the only thing between them as they pressed themselves together.

Eren un clipped the back of the bra, and she could feel him smile through the kiss as it fell away between them. He rolled her to the side and hooked his fingers under the lace pants, and smiled once more as she panted against his mouth while he slid them down over her thighs and knees. He broke the kiss to reach down and slip them over her ankles, his eyes scanning the bumps and scars training had left over her, marks that it could never have left on him. She sat up on her elbows, breasts rising and falling with slow deliberate breaths, and when he returned to kneel between her thighs she held his gaze. He ran a hand from her ankle to her knee until her leg relaxed, then he took her thigh and held it high against his hip, still watching her intently.

She licked her lips, then pulled them in to a straight line as she watched him position himself against her, a distant hint of pressure teasing the soft pink flesh. He took her hand in his free one, raising the palm to his lips and kissing it softly as he pushed inside her. Mikasa let her head drop back, gritting her teeth and spilling his name like a curse word as her fingers held fast to his cheek and then his own at her thigh. He moved slowly, every inch of friction savoured, every bump and ridge easily felt as he rocked his hips this way and that, watching her face for any reaction.

Then the dam broke, and his hands held fast around her ribs, holding her still as he slammed in to her while she muffled her cries and left teeth prints at her own knuckles. His mouth latched on to her chest again, one hand snaking to her lower back so he cold hold her to him while the other skimmed and stroked the breast his mouth had left unattended. Their position shifted, and he pulled her until she was on top of him and her hands forced him down to the flat of his back. With her hands on his chest she began to move, bringing her hips down in sharp ragged movements until one hand snaked down his stomach, her lithe fingers trailing around every muscle until she brought it to her own skin.

The look on his face made her dizzy as his hands came to rest at her hips, digging in to the flesh there so hard she would bruise. He watched in awe as she rubbed little circles against herself, and when her second hand left him to roam across her own breasts he looked downright possessed. His pupils were blown as he watched her, and though his hands were tight on her hips she felt no pull or comman in them.

Her breath hitched and she threw her head back, and in one fluid motion he had pulled her to him and bit a kiss to the delicate skin of her neck. She came around him, and she'd never felt anything so hot and hard or so completely filling. She clung to him with her knees, with her nails digging fast in to his shoulder blades. All the while he grunted against her skin, not finished and not relenting. Every snap of his hips against hers forced out a little gasp, a little wince of her name, and it was too much now, almost painful, but she held on. She felt it, a strange warmth spilling from him to her, radiating over her, dulling any ache and silencing her voice. He stilled, eyes screwed shut, and he only opened the, again when he felt her fingers soft against the skin of his cheek.

Mikasa's hair was splayed around her head, the curls patterned on the White pillow. Her eyes were full of concern as her thumb coaxed across his jaw and she watched him. He looked down, eyes roaming over the body he'd never thought he'd see again, the scars and the muscles and the soft bruises left by his fingertips. He offered a smile but it felt weak, even to him, so without moving from his space between her legs he lowered his head to hers, placing a lingering but chaste kiss against her flushed lips. He fell to the side, hand on her hip making sure she followed, and they pressed themselves together as tightly as they could, careful not to stop between kisses or else the guilt become too loud.


	8. Storm

Jean tapped his pen against the side of his tea cup. The tea was long cold, but he had already drank four cups that morning and Armin just kept bringing them.

He looked down at the half scrawled letter.

_Mikasa, being apart from you had made me realise..._

OOnce again he tore it up, let the scraps float down to the floor near the bin, and wrote her name on a new sheet.

* * *

The cabin was dusted twice daily, but still a fine barrier coated every surface, every floorboard. There were creaks and rattles in every room, and when it rained Eren found his own leaked in the top left corner, and would smell of damp wood for days. So it was he found himself sitting atop the dark wooden roof the morning after a thunderstorm, hammer and water proof fabric clenched in his hands.

'That,' Levi called from below. 'Should go under the woodwork.'

'I'm just fixing a leak...'

'You're fixing one leak? Every room leaks, you selfish brat.'

'I don't sleep in every room.' Eren stood to shout down, but just as he did his heel slid from the edge of the slat he stood on, and he found himself tumbling, before dropping the twelve foot to the grass where he landed on his back, eyes bulging at the sudden impact.

Eren couldn't feel the pain at first, it was as if the impact had chased every feeling from his body. Breathing was difficult, and any thought of moving his arms or legs had him wrenching his eyes closed.

'Easy. You're just winded.' Levi crouched near his head, watching down with cool eyes. 'I'll be going down to the village, stopping to see the others and ensure they're keeping hidden. When I return we can waterproof the whole cabin if we need to. Until then, I suggest you send Ackerman up, she has your share of grace, it seems.'

'Send me up... Eren?'

At Mikasa's voice he managed to tilt his head to the doorway, smiling as she stepped out in to the spring sunlight. The Summer dress Sasha had brought when the weather had changed made her seem small in the way it fell out around her legs, while the muscles of her arms and shoulders were somehow softened by the pale blue cotton. It reminded him of the long skirts and cardigans she had once favoured, if missing the red of her scarf.

'Fell off the roof.' He wheezed.

'I'll be back in two days.' Levi stood, straightened his cravat, then walked past Mikasa to the door before turning back to her. 'You can wipe his ass till I come back, hmm?'

'Hah.' She looked back to the groaning man on his back, her soft pink lips curving up in a smile. 'I'll keep him out of trouble if I can, sir.'

'Good.' Levi nodded. 'And get a cardigan on would you? It's only spring and I'd rather you didn't catch the chill while we're out here babysitting.'

Eren stayed on his back long after Levi had rode off towards the town, a good half day ride from their current safe house. Ymir and Historia had stayed with the newly weds back in the town, partly because the journey would be too testing on Historia's war wounds (or would have been when they first made it in winter) and secondly because any would be assassins or mercenaries were more likely to recognise Eren Jaeger, humanities biggest hope.

He lay still and watched the sky, and wondered why he was confined to this place when he could be anywhere on the other side of the walls. Her voice broke him from his reverie eventually, and he sat up before he could remember his recent fall. She was leaning through the kitchen window, her cheeks ruddy as she beamed. 'Would you like some breakfast?' When he only stared her gaze softened. 'Are you still hurt, Eren?'

'No.' He slowly rose to his feet, limbs sore but bones otherwise intact (having quickly knitted themselves together). He took one last look at the early morning sapphire of the sky, before heading to the kitchen, and taking his seat with a sigh. 'Mikasa,' he spoke to her back as she ladelled some gruel in to two bowls. In her soft pink cardigan and white-blue dress she looked every inch a mountain girl, and day by day he was imagining more how easily her countenance would adapt to children, how small homes and hearths lit her up where battle couldn't.

She turned with the two bowls in hand and he found himself scowling, even as he took his.

'Something wrong?' She asked lightly as she shifted in her seat opposite before taking a spoonful to her bright lips.

'Maybe.' He sighed. 'I'm just fed up. I'm confined again.'

'Hm.' She put the spoon back to the bowl and leant forward, one hand sweeping the still growing black hair behind her ear. 'I for one won't pretend I don't like knowing where you are, but it shouldn't be for much longer, then you can be on your way.'

He scoffed, suddenly very angry at her for reasons he barely understood. 'On my way?' He watched her carefully. 'Levi's gone Mikasa. We're on our own.'

She pushed aside the bowl. 'Then let's be honest.'

He stood, pacing across to the kitchen window, eyeing the horizon, the dense trees that began not to far away. Though he hadn't heard her move he felt her hands slip around to rest just above his angle as her head rested between his shoulder Blades.

He felt her lips, hot, soft and fleeting, against his nape and then he turned for a kiss, careful to go slow, to remind himself that they would be alone all day. No need to blow it all in the first ten minutes.

'Eren.' She pulled away, her heels falling back to the floorboards with a loud bump. 'I have some things i need to ask. Things I...'

His hand soothed against her neck, thumb brushing the soft skin of her jaw. 'Hey. I'm an open book.'

Her charcoal eyes scanned his face until she had decided he was being sincere, then they closed and her lips trembled with every word. 'What did I mean to you before?' She opened her eyes, fiercely meeting his. 'Why wasn't it like this.'

'Because we were kids.' He smiled, somewhat relieved that her question had been a vague one.

'No.' She turned abruptly, fleeing his grasp before turning back. 'I keep doing this and... And I loved you! I'd have done anything for you!'

'Mikasa,' he sighed, rubbing the heel of his hand against his eye.

'I knew at the time, the kisses, sex, it was all a distraction for you, but I thought it meant something to you.'

'It did, but I also thought I would die. I was sure of it. I knew you wanted it so... Don't look at me like that its not like I lied.'

'Oh.' She scowled at his midsection, then raised her blank face to his. 'So it was easy for you to leave?'

'Fuck... Mikasa.' In the silence of the cabin in the middle of nowhere, his fist on the table was a thunderclap, and she did not flinch. 'I'd been next to you since we were nine, and all that, the kisses, they were all for you because you deserved something for everything I had put you through and I wanted to make you as happy as I could before the end.' He looked at his hand, now flat against the wood and sighed as her gentle fingers wrapped around his upper arms. 'I dont think I realised how I felt until I was standing there with you again. I took you for granted. When I was young I always hoped you'd find someone better for you if I pushed you away.'

Her grip faltered, and he felt something in his stomach twist. 'Do you love him?' He asked softly.

She let out a shuddered breath and fell back against the wall.

He waited but she didn't speak.

* * *

_'Mikasa', Jean smiles as he hands her the ration. 'How are you holding up?' _

_'I'm on guard detail, Kirstein. I'm ecstatic.' She groans, reaching out to take her bread. 'They have you handing out the food? Not the new cadets?' _

_He shrugs, leaning against one of those boxes the top of the wall always seemed littered with. She lets her eyes roll over him. Jean had grown well, if you could say that about anyone. She'd once thought him too gangly, but somewhere between fifteen and twenty the proportion of muscle to man had given his body a balance. _

_'Just to you. Besides, hear this is the best place to view the sunset.'_

_'Jean...' She smiles despite herself. 'Take a seat.' _

_As they watch the sky drain of orange and the dark blue creep in they say nothing, and when his little finger brushes hers she gives a small moan and takes his hand in hers. This has been almost a year in the build up, quiet talks, little touches, now the holding of hands, and it surprises her that she doesn't feel strange about it._

_The darkness gives way to a chill in the air, and he follows to the little lookout cabin when she pulls him. She lights a candle, places it on the table and turns back to him, face alive with flickering shadows. He leans down to give her the softest kiss he can manage, but it still bruises her lips and makes her gasp. Then her arms are on him, pulling at fabric and hair, clawing trails down his shoulder blades and arms. _

_The letters and charts are sent flying from the table, and he finds himself tearing at her shirt, lips trailing down the fine skin he had only ever dreamt about. She arches her back and he pulls at the white trousers, unable to stop himself skimming his hands back up her thighs. _

_She isn't prepared and so when his mouth meets the sensitive skin just between her thigh and groin she buckles, almost kneeing him in the nose. He smiles at her, and he's a boy again, excited and light and not a thousand levels of fucked up like they all are really. 'Trust me.' He says, and she nods, still tense as she lies back down._

_Her knuckles are white on the edge of the table as he delivers devistating kisses and licks to her most intimate of areas. Not long after his hand replaces his mouth, and she is being pulled up for a kiss while she oants and trembles around his fingers. His kisses are slow where his hands are not, and she comes with a shout muffled against him. He kisses her slowly until her hands untie the twine of his trousers and he pulls her to the very edge of the table. _

_ She forgets until he's suddenly sheathed inside her, how long it's been since Eren, and the pain might be less now but it's still pain. She huffs aganst his lips until it starts to feel okay, nice even, and she lets her hands roam every inch of his chiseled flesh._

* * *

'Did you think about coming back?' She called over the roar of the spring gale, that carried with it clouds of a threatening grey. In her hands the axe swung in a mighty ark, breaking the log in two with a flurry of little splinters. In her cardigan and summer dress she barely broke a sweat.

Eren stood Not far from her, his hands crossed at his chest, his eyes all shadows as he glared. 'I'm thinking about leaving right now.'

'Go on then.' _Crack_. She brought the axe down on another log, then repositioned the next. 'You don't owe me anything.' _Crack_.

'At least look at me!' He shouted, and the abruptness pulled her attention away from the woodcutting. 'I'm only here for you.'

'Well maybe you shouldn't be.' She hissed. 'Seriously Eren, I don't want you from obligation. You saved my life, and I swore to keep you safe, but if you hadn't shown affection that way I wouldn't have... I wouldn't have accepted it. You didn't need to be my lover. You didn't owe me that!'

'For shit's sake, I thought we would die!'

'Well you didn't have to fuck me just because of that either!'

'I didn't want to die without knowing what you felt like, and I'm sure as shit not dying now!' He stormed forward, taking the axe from her hands and swinging it in to the block with one arm. 'And stop. Fucking. Chopping. Wood.'

'Do you understand how angry I am at you?' She asked in a high pitched whisper, her sharp forefinger jabbing at his chest. 'You left me, and you were all I had beyond this shitty uniform - a uniform I put on because of you even - but you just walked away.'

'You left it in the dust too.' He growled. 'I looked back, I saw you walking away from it.'

The first drop landed on her cheek, and her fingertips were quick to swipe it away, in case the rain be mistaken for a tear. 'All I ever wanted was you safe, you happy, and I realised for the first time that day that you had never wanted that for me. Not even with the Titans dead did you want that for me.'

'Mikasa.'

'TELL ME I'M WRONG!' She beat her fist against her own chest. 'I'd have given you anything, and I thought for the longest time that once they were gone...'

'You can't think that.' He reached out but she smacked his hand away. The rain began to pour in thick heavy droplets, soaking them in seconds. 'I told you not to follow me. Do you think I wanted you mothering me and...'

Mikasa felt the cartilage and bone crunch beneath her knuckles, and was instantly overtaken by regret. She knelt before him in the mud, where he knelt in shock, pinching his bloody nose. The rain had her hair hanging long and straight, it caught on her eyelashes, made them seem longer and thicker. Despite the pain he wanted to chase the cold water from her skin, hold her close and keep her warm.

She hung her head, hands fisting in the fabric of her white-blue skirt at her knees.

'Mikasa,' Eren sighed, very aware that he sounded ever so slightly nasally. 'I didn't know what I wanted once the Titans... I never thought I'd live to get there, so yes, I fucked some things up. I did something's wrong. I pissed off you, Armin, all of them, and I couldn't think about it because if I did I'd see how hollow I was. How stupid I'd been. So single minded.' He wiped his sleeve across his upper lip, smearing his lower face in red. 'Do you hit all the boys you profess to love.'

The rain between them fell so thick it was difficult to hear her response, but she shuffled closer and repeated it. 'I don't love him like I loved you Eren. And he doesn't make me feel this way, like my blood's on fire and my skull's been knocking on a brick wall...'

'I don't want to make you feel like that anymore.' He latched on to her hand, blinking the rain out of his soft green eyes. 'I don't want you to feel like that. God Mikasa I don't want you to.'

Their lips were cold and stiff in the rain, and their clothes wet between them, but as they moved together, her holding tight to his face while he held her about the middle the rain is forgotten. The mud wasn't an issue, and he could still taste the salt of both her tears and his own blood mingled with the pleasant fresh taste of rainwater.

A crackle of thunder and the cold rushed back in, with the following boom so loud it felt as though the very mountain shook from it. 'The storm's close.' She fought to her feet in the mud, dashing to grab a few of the logs she had cut and running for the cabin. Eren followed, his arms also full of the driest of the logs, pausing to look back when a fork of purple-white lightening danced across the sky, pointing it's way to the horizon. 'Eren!' She shouted just before the boom, and he dashed the rest of the way, until the door clicked with a loud thud behind him.

Rain hammered a steady pattern against the roof and the window pains, and as they stood panting, their breaths suddenly clouding between them, he was grateful for it. He was cold, but she was trembling, her lips a pale purple not the peach pink he was used to. In her arms the logs wobbled.

'Here,' he set his down, then took hers, returning to rub her fine hands between his larger ones. They were both scarred, and calloused, but somehow hers were still smooth to the touch. Somehow she still felt delicate despite all he'd sen her do. 'I'll light the fire.' He whispered, watching her eyes as he spoke. 'Can you get some pillows, a blanket?'

She nodded, a shiver forcing it's way through her.

'Go.' He laughed, not unkindly, and snatched a few logs from the table to take to the fireplace.

The kindling caught without too much fuss, and once he had managed to light some smaller scraps he took the two driest logs and tossed them on, waiting for them to smoulder before turning to her.

Mikasa stood still in her wet cardigan, two blankets slung over her arm while the pillows sat at her feet. She offered them to him, her fingers still trembling.

'Come ere.' He held out his hand to her, and after a moment of doubt, she took it, dropping the blankets at his side before kneeling opposite him once more. His fingers were clumsy on the buttons of her cardigan, and then again on the damp arms as he peeled the soft fabric from her damp skin. He took her long damp hair and wound it in to a loose braid, tying the end and letting it hand over her right shoulder. Swallowing he offered her a blanket. 'You need to ge out of the dress.'

She blinked. 'Eren, you've undressed me before.'

'I know.' He lifted one strap from her skin and down her arm, then when she raised it he found the side zip and pulled it down. The sound of the teeth separating was loud and obnoxious against the soft pops of the fireplace and constant hum of the storm, but then it was gone and she was shimmying the dress over her head.

He worked on his own buttons, fingers half frozen and somehow painful, and when it was gone he slipped off his trousers and took up his own blanket. She watched as he laid it down in front of the Fire, just far enough back that any embers wouldn't catch the sable fur. Then he piled the three pillows at one end, Kicked off his boots and lay down, watching her nervously.

Mikasa pulled off her short boots and cast her dark eyes to the fire. She crawled after him, lying on her side facing away, and pulling her own wolf skin blanket over them both. His voice was unsteady behind her, and when his arms wrapped around her his touch was far from certain, but she held on to his feverish skin just as tightly.

It was almost an hour later when she sat up, the blanket pooling around the dip of her waist, to look down at him. 'I don't know what to do.' She whispered against the still deafening drum of rain.

He propped himself up on one elbow, green eyes catching every flicker of firelight.

'I don't know if you even want me to... What do you want Eren?'

He looked past her, straight in to the fire, then with a bright white dancing in his vision, he turned his attention to the smooth pale skin that covered her ribs. 'I thought I wanted freedom.' he shifted, raising a finger to trail down the soft skin of her side.

'Jean is a good man.' She sighed, closing her eyes as his hand ran across the strong muscles of her back. 'I can't do this to him.' She repeated.

'Do you love him?' He asked again, his voice a breathless whisper.

'Not... Not like I...' She gulped and took his face in her hands again, moving to sit atop his lap. Large hot hands warmed her from her shoulders to the small of her back, and when he finally untied the clasp of her bra she knew the time she could have stopped herself was long past. She was still returning to Jean wasn't she, she was still his woman. He loved her, he never made her feel the way Eren had. He had never made her feel anything less than infallible, except when her legs were wrapped around Eren, and his mouth was at her throat, her breats, marking her and coaxing such sounds... She loved Jean, she did. She had no idea what she was doing here.

'Oh fuck!' She cried against the now dry brown hair as he nipped at her collar bone, his hands firmly gripping her waist.

'I need you,' He growled against her skin, mouth trailing down to close around her nipple. 'When you're so close I need to touch you. Taste you. Oh fuck I need you.'

If his words were meant to reassure, he had miseed his mark, but even as her head taunted her that this was physical, a bond if flesh not the emotional bliss she had once had, she could not help but arch against him, and it was she who reached between them to free him from his pants, and she who set the pace as she rode him in front of the dying fire.

* * *

_Marco frowned at a particular arrangement of clouds. 'Have you actually said more than four words to her?' He turns his head to Jean, who is baring his teeth at the self same clouds. _

_'How can I? That shit Jaeger is always there, and she looks at him like hes made of pure gold.'_

_'Well.' Marco shrugs. 'I've spoken to her.'_

_'What?'_

_'She thinks you're a great soldier. Thinks you talk yourself in to trouble and can't get yourself out some times, but over all...'_

_'You spoke to her about me?' Jean wails. 'Jesus Christ...'_

_'But what's between those two... It's weird, it's not romance, it's like... He gives her something to fight for. She keeps him safe, grounded. Their history, well that's her place to share, but Jesus Jean, you'd understand.'_

_'Is this supposed to help?'_

_Marco shrugs, and looks back to the cloud. 'I think you should talk to her.'_

* * *

The letter arrives in the morning, and she reads it at the hearth. As the words jump off the page what she has been doing swims in to sharp focus. Her head spins slightly, her joints ache from the night spent rutting on the cabin floor, and deep in her belly she can feel the warmth left behind, the potential they can never let be. She feels his presence behind her, strong and soothing, but her voice is still ragged when she tells him.

'He wants to marry me.' She lets her head fall back to tuck beneath his chin, as his strong arms wrap around her middle.

He sighs against her crown. 'Of course he does.'

'Missions over.' She feels his grip tighten, but it doesn't last long. 'We're to meet with Levi and return... I'm to return. You can go wherever you like.'

'And miss the wedding?' He laughs humourlessly. 'Will you say yes?'

'Shouldnt I?' She spat, and his arms dropped away.

He wanted to tell her no, but the emotional part of his brain was exhausted just thinking bout it.

'You've had your fun, Eren. I won't force anything else on you.'

Every argument of the last few weeks floated between them, fizzling in the air.

'You could...' He began, but she only sighed and stepped away from him. 'No, I guess not.'

'I'll saddle the horses.' She nodded calmly.

'Yeah.' He nodded back.


	9. Hanging Tree

**Sorry this chapter took so long. I'd like to thank everyone who's reviewed, and feel free to shove some feedback my way. I Really like this chapter but you might not. Just let me know either way. Now, without further ado...**

Ymir screamed with all the venom she could muster, kicked her legs and tried and tried to sink her teeth or focus on the scratches she was no doubt gaining at the hands of the militia, but for it all she couldn't shift. A broad man in a leather apron, brandishing a butcher's knife like a magic wand as he directed the others to capture her, had knocked Historia straight to the ground.

'Do you know who she is?' Ymir had screeched. 'She's your queen, your queen you miserable fuck!' They hadn't listened.

Mikasa had been restrained by Levi, since attacking civilians was hardly encouraged among officers, but she kicked and shouted too, and just before the coarse bag was pulled over her eyes, Ymir saw her deflate, settle back against the captain and let her head hang. That was the moment the fight left her own limbs, and her teeth stopped gnawing at the butchers rag they'd stuffed in there.

'Hang her high!' Someone shouted, and the crowd took up the call. They rushed to find rope, then slung it over the branch of a nearby Oak. The noose was snug against her neck already and she focused on the burn against her skin, tried and tried to shift.

The gunshot was intended to calm the people, but instead there was a panick. Mikasa shook herself loose, ignoring the military police in favour of weaving through to the tree. The butcher, face stretched in a grotesque smile, had already kicked out the stool, there wasn't a lot of time, and the bastards at the bottom were hanging from her feet. 'Get off her!' She heard herself hiss as her shoulder made contact and knocked two of the bastards to their own knees. She grabbed Ymir around the middle, and Levi slashed at the rope with effortless grace. As they lowered her down the mob formed a circle around them, baring their teeth and murmuring their excitement.

With a slap to the face Ymir coughed, her throat burning and head too heavy, as if someone had pumped it full of water. It thumped so loudly she couldn't hear the crowd, the people next to her, and fuck, she could only see the blinding sunlight, nothing beneath it. 'His... Krista...'

Someone stroked her damp cheek, but she didn't think it was the heiress. The hands were too big, too steady. Mikasa then, she guessed.

'What is the meaning of this?' Levi hissed at a fairly tall guard, who flinched despite the size difference.

The man looked back to the crowd. 'They want them dead sir, the Titans you have.'

'How did they know we were coming back?'

With a whirr of wires Jean landed down in the square, wasting no time in parting the ranks and seizing Levi by the shirt. 'Why the fuck weren't we told you were returning.'

Mikasa watched, more than a little awe struck. Jean had only ever spoken to Levi with a fearful respect, and would never dare touch him like that.

'You were told to remain in hiding!'

'Then a forged letter was sent.' Mikasa frowned down at the now unconscious Ymir.

Jean looked at her, and for an instant his expression softened, then she felt it rush up, the guilt, the inability to hold his gaze, and he stiffened again. 'Return them to the scouts. Ymir is to be taken in to the neutral custody as,' his voice raised 'agreed by the council, and a trial will be arranged. Now go to your homes.'

Jean, Mikasa thought as she watched the man growl at some lingering mob members, had changed quite a bit.

* * *

Eren kept his hood up, and he hated it. The inn was crawling, and the mysterious stranger act was attracting attention. People were tugging at the cloth and the asking if he was ugly, scarred, a fugitive (not really, no, and depends who you ask). The cloth was heavy against his head, heating his ears, irritating his neck. That night though, he tried not to leave the room, for the conversations among the drunks were more interesting to him than he could let on.

'... They managed to tie the noose and string her up before that black haired bitch, you know, the one with the funny eyes, she cut her down see, and then the police arrived and took them all away.'

'Ah well, at least we know where one of them is. If we can find that other cunt...'

'He should have been there. Thought they'd all be together.'

'Information was bad then?'

'They were together when they left the village. The boy wouldn't lie after we broke his arm like that.'

Eren clenched his jaw.

In the mornings Sasha liked to sit on the little wooden swing at the side of the house. With Summer almost there, she found her blood running too hot to do it any other time but the mornings and nights, and it gave her a great perch on which she could watch Connie trying to hammer together the crib.

'It's too small.' She warned, rubbing a hand over her slightly rounded stomach. 'I'm telling you, we're going to have a bigger baby than that.'

'Well you're eating for two not twelve!' He hissed, throwing the hammer to the ground.

'Connie springer!' She feigned offence. 'Is that any way to talk to the mother of your child?'

'When she's being a bitch you can talk to her however I like.' He grumbled, then, as if being possessed by the ghost of some loving husband, he jumped the little garden fence and rushed to her, falling at his knees to deliver an exaggerated kiss to her stomach. 'Besides, it's not like I'm talking like that to you is it? Just your stupid mummy.'

Sasha frowned down at him but didn't move. 'That feels nice.' She shifted slightly. 'It's moving.'

'Dont call it it.'

'It's kicking me, Connie! I'll call it far worse!'

'She!'

'Its a boy! I'm carrying it low!'

'Low means a girl...'

'Listen, my mother told me...'

'And mine did me, so its a girl so you should shut up.' He replied smugly.

'You carry it for a few months then. Ah my tits are killing me.'

He frowned at the offending appendages for a moment before smiling at his wife. 'I could kiss...'

'I'll kill you if you touch them.' She stated flatly and he nodded and stood up. 'Kill kill. Dead.'

'I'll make you some tea.'

The sound of hooves made them both bolt to the gate, Sasha's hand winding around the handle of a short hoe while Connie's rested reassuringly on the hunting knife at his belt. The hooded figure barely slowed in time to dismount at a run, hurling himself at the gate. 'Did you know?' It shouted, and once the hood was thrown back the jumble in Sasha's head straightened itself out.

'Eren!' She squealed, and before he could say anything else she had thrown her arms around his neck. 'Wait...' She pushed him back. 'You can't be here!'

'Sasha.' Connie sighed, letting go of his knife. 'Get inside before someone sees you. We're usually being watched.'

They swept inside, Connie taking a last look around the glen before following.

* * *

'Jean...' Mikasa paced the small office, ignoring Armin's calming words as much as she could. 'I thought you'd said...'

'If we try and take Ymir back through force they'd kill her just to prove a point, then disband us!' He rubbed at the bridge of his nose. 'I don't like it anymore than you, but we're stuck here.'

'Hange...'

The spectacled leader shrugged her shoulders. 'I've done all I could in delaying them, we were hoping to keep you safe in the mountains but they must have intercepted our mail.'

'We could have a mole.' Krista slammed her little fist down on the table.

'We?' Jean sighed. 'You're not in uniform anymore, Historia.'

Armin shook his head. 'It could be a courier, or someone who intercepted that courier. We should have been more careful with who we sent.'

'But...' She tried to strengthen her voice. 'If they catch Eren outside the city...'

'Oh no doubt about it.' Hange smiled. 'They'll kill him. The anti titan movement has sprung up to be quite violent, I'm afraid.'

'Oi, Hange.' Levi purred from his spot at the window. 'Its not an anti titan movement. There are only two titan shifters, so there has to be more to it.'

'Well at the moment the only thing the leader of the White Rose party wants is those two titan shifters dead. All of his other policies have been nonsense babblings about food, work and money. This is his only clear and consise point and unfortunately he's one hell of a public speaker.'

'The White Rose.' Mikasa frowned down at the back of her hand. 'They have this much support? They were just a fringe party...'

'The people are still bitter about the last few battles. There were many civilian casualties and they're keen to pin the blame on the shifters who fought with us.'

'Without them,' Levi growled from his seat. 'They'd all have died, the dumbfucks.'

'You should be a public speaker.' Hange beamed.

'They don't care. Eren was hardly a graceful solution, and Ymir may have been smaller, but she did no less damage taking down Titans than he did.'

'He fucking saved them.' Mikasa gritted her teeth. 'Now they want to hang him.'

Hange chuckled. 'No Mikasa, the mob tried to hang Ymir. The actual party wants them beheaded.'

'Hah!' Levi looked to the window. 'I'm sure their heads will just grow back.'

Krista stood, grimacing as Jean slipped an arm around her to steady her shaking legs. 'We're not going to test that theory, are we?'

Armin shook his head. 'If we get Ymir back it'll be the last time. The council are keen to keep the populace happy.'

'What's that mean?'

'They aren't safe inside the walls.' Jean explained softly, transferring her weight so that she leant against the desk. 'At least Eren's gone, right?'

Mikasa felt a little thrill shoot through her, starting somewhere in the middle of her chest. 'He had plans to leave the walls.' She agreed without looking up. 'He should be well clear by now.'

'Then if they don't give Ymir back, if legally we can't...' Historia cried, again wacking her fist on the desk, disturbing the papers.

Mikasa couldn't be sure that she had spoken at first since no one but Jean looked at her, but she heard her own voice all the same. 'Then we break her out, and we go after Eren.'

'I agree.' Armin smiled.

'I feel like we've done all we can do here.' Hange agreed.

'Tch. I've earnt my retirement.'

'You have.'Jean nodded to Levi. 'Hange too, we won't get you involved.'

'How shitty do you think we are?' Was Levi's sharp response.

* * *

Eren folded his hands on the table, eyes flickering from face to face as Connie and Sasha recounted everything they'd heard.

'... And just after you left they started showing up, watching us and... Well they won't come on to our land, but I've seen them in the tree line sometimes, and Connie found one at the gate a few days ago.'

'He outright asked me if we were expecting you back, and told me if we didn't say he'd run me through.'

'What happened?' Eren growled.

'I dislocated both of his shoulders.' Connie shrugged.

'Are you safe here?'

Sasha laughed, leaning back to rest her hand on her stomach. 'Eren, if they touched us they'd be strung up. I don't know if you remember but I have quite a big and fiercely loyal family.'

'Besides,' Connie relaxed. 'We can handle ourselves.'

'It's Ymir we're worried about.'

'Mikasa won't let them harm her.'

'Mikasa?' Sasha sighed. 'She's probably pulling her hair out right now worrying about you. She probably thinks you're outside the walls.'

He grumbled something then straightened up. 'Jean'll keep her safe.'

Quite unexpectedly Sasha's hand came down on the table. 'Just admit it!'

'What?'

'I want to hear you say it!'

'Say what?'

'Shes hormonal.' Connie clicked his tongue. 'And she's been crying over that stupid scarf.'

'Oh for... It was just a scarf.'

'It wasn't! She loved that thing! It was part of her, and you let her throw it away!'

'She threw it to the ground Sasha!' He ran a hand through his hair. 'She walked away too.'

'She didn't sleep for weeks you selfish bastard!'

'Hey now.' Connie out his hand on Sasha's shoulder but she only brushed him off.

'She lived her life, every bit of it, for you, and after all those years you walked away. That was the most painful day of her life, and now you're leaving her again.'

'Oi, Sash, what should he do? Walk up and hand himself in? She's the one who went back.'

Eren let his forehead smack on the hard wood of the table. 'She's made a decision, she's gone back to Jean.'

'This is pathetic.' Sasha hissed. 'She fought for you every day, can't you do it once.'

He didn't move, his skin heating unpleasantly.

'Sometimes...' Sasha continued in a slightly softer tone. 'I wonder why I picked the fucking thing up.'

* * *

The ring was every bit as beautiful as she had expected it to be. It sat on her finger, a tiny jewel encased in the thin gold band, and sometimes it made her feel sick. That night, she sat up in bed, her thigh resting against the potential groom's hip as he slept beside her.

_'With all this uncertainty... I want to make it clear, what you mean to me Mikasa.'_

She felt her stomach flip beneath her palm As she thought of Eren moving between her thighs, Ymir swinging from the tree and Jean taking her hand in his all at once.

Her fingers twisted around a scarf that hadn't been there for years, and tears threatened to spill from her dark eyes. She should not be thinking about him at all. They were over and done with. The time to make a choice had come and he had turned and headed to the wall again, not looking back.

'Though I wouldn't know for sure since I didn't look back.' She thought stubbornly.

Armin had of course, known straight away. At her return, once the fuss was over and Ymir had been carted off, he'd let his hand rest on her shoulder, and with a gentle squeeze of his fingertips he'd told her he was there for her, and he would miss him as well.

'_What if they go after him?_' She had asked once Krista had been removed, thumb rubbing against the gold band on her ring finger.

Jean didn't look pleased when he had responded. '_There's nothing we can do. He's on his own.'_

Looking down at him again she sighed, a soft sound that filled the small room. For once Jean was peaceful, and she wished above anything that he would remain that way long after she was gone, and that she could have done a better job at loving him. For what it was worth, she hoped he knew that he had meant a great deal to her too.

She slipped out of bed, careful to avoid the loudest floorboards. She slung on a basic shirt and dark trousers before shoving a few more in her dark leather pack. The ring slipped off quite easily, but she held it up to her eyes, closed them, and sighed again before slowly lowering it to the table.

Pher hand automatically latched on to the green fabric of her scouting cloak, but she shook her head clear and instead snatched up a tan leather jacket before sliding through the doorway, closing it silently behind her.

She was still slinging it over her shoulders when she turned in to the kitchen to find a candle already burning at one table, and Armin sitting with a cup of tea warming his hands. 'You were right.' He said humourlessly.

'Hm.' Was the reply from the kitchen, where Levi was arranging some jars of spices. 'Mikasa, tea?'

She nodded, dropping her bag and taking the chair opposite Armin. 'I...'

'I'd like to go too.' Armin smiled, but for it he looked all the more tired. 'When we get Ymir back I'll come with you.'

'Armin?' She smiled softly. 'Will you be okay?'

'You're no use here anyway.' He sighed, sitting back in his chair.

'You'll need me if Ymir must be rescued.' She frowned.

Levi sat her cup of almost black tea down with a thud. 'I'm still here Ackerman. Ymir will be fine.'

She took a sip and frowned as the liquid scalded her tongue. 'Jean...'

'I think he knows.' Armin nodded sadly. 'He'll forgive you.'

'He shouldn't.' She took another harsh sip.

'It suits you.' Levi scratched at his chin. 'Being a civilian.'

Mikasa smiled and returned the cup to the table.

It occurred to her as she rode through the dark streets that she probably shouldn't have taken the horse, but in the cold she buried her fingers in the dark mane and thanked the walls she had.


End file.
